I want to end my life

Dear Pastor
I live in Trelawny. I am depressed, in fact I have been depressed since I was in high school, from I was 13.

I was bullied heavily to the point where I became suicidal because I couldn't walk in public without being teased or humiliated publicly.

My father found out about my depression and saved me from some attempts. He became worried and tried to talk it out of me.

I gave him the impression I was fine but I never recovered from it.

I'm all grown up now and I don’t get bullied anymore but I feel like my home life is driving me up a wall.  

My sister left home when she was 21. She broke up with her boyfriend and had a child, so she is back home. Since then it has been a nightmare.

She took my room so I had to live at my grandmother for a while. I moved back to my parent’s house so I ended up sharing a room with my sister. Everything was okay until she got pregnant again. 

She had a baby boy and we all love him to death but after his birth, she just transformed. She is 29 and she bleaches her skin until it causes red blotches and she doesn’t take any responsibility for any of her children.

My sister works, but her money goes to her hair and she even grumbles when she's supposed to buy something for her own children.

If they want to spend time with her, she gets upset and curses all the time. She's lazy, loud and the only thing she cares about is money and her boyfriend.

My parents don’t want me to end up like her. They don’t want to kick her out either because they are sure she would mistreat the children.

But then they put all the pressure on me. When I try to explain that it's unfair how they handle us, they say I’m younger and I need to stop watching what she does. I’m only 19.

I was already locked in a cage because she ran away and my dad tried to protect me and it's even worse now.

I can’t tell anyone about it because no one is even listening to me and when I told dad I wanted to see a therapist, he laughed and said it's a waste of money.

I really want to move out and get a job because my home life is really making me suicidal. 

My sister doesn’t do her chores. She's always on her phone. The only time she really loves her children is when she's putting them up on social media. 

I don’t understand why my parents have kept quiet when it comes to her, but let me make a mistake and all hell breaks loose. 

I have to do everything on time but she's allowed to go free, regardless of the fact that she has more responsibilities than I do.

I feel like I’m constantly in a hot oven or that everybody's watching me. I don’t like it.

J.M

Dear J.M

Your father should know that you need help. He caught you attempting to commit suicide. He should have taken you to see a psychiatrist.

You need to receive professional help. I am sure that nobody in your family would be happy to hear that you have taken your own life.

One of these days, you will get deliverance and not even your sister would be able to prevent that from happening.

I do not believe that your parents understand the seriousness of your case. I will be happy to help you.

I would see to it that you get the help you need. Perish the thought of doing anything to hurt yourself. You will hear from me again.

In the mean time, try your best to keep calm. Take much comfort in reading your Bible and in prayer.

When you feel depressed, call someone in whom you can confide and talk. Try not to be alone.
Pastor