I have to beg my husband to have sex with me

Dear Pastor,

I am 22 years old, and I am having a very serious problem. I am a Christian, and when I was 19, I became friendly with a man who helped me in school. I was having sex with him every week, and then I went to a crusade and turned over my life to the Lord. My boyfriend picked me up after the meeting, and he wanted to have sex with me. I told him that I had just gone to the altar, so I couldn’t have sex with him. He asked what altar I was talking about, and I told him.

The next night, he told me not to go back to the altar because he couldn’t have me going to that place because he wanted to continue having sex with me. I told him that I wanted to serve the Lord. I told him that we should get married and that would prevent me from committing fornication.

We planned a very small wedding. When I told my father that I was going to get married, he told me that if I would wait, he would pay for my reception. I love my father, but I told him that I couldn’t wait. He told me to go ahead, and he wished me well.

I went ahead and got married in a very private ceremony. My parents did not attend the wedding. After I got married, I got baptised. I did not have a honeymoon. After one year, my husband started to change. Sometimes I have to beg him to have sex with me. This is a man who used to like to have sex three times per week. Now sometimes for two weeks, we don’t have sex. I put on the sexiest lingerie and he won’t even look at me.  I am fretting because I am wondering if he is having an affair.

I have a twin sister, and I tell her everything. I told her that my husband is not even looking at me. She asked him why he is treating me that way, and he said, too much sex is not good for him. He is 41 years old. He said my church has spoiled me.
What do you suggest I do?
L.S.

Dear L.S.
I suggest that you continue to be faithful to your husband. Please continue to go to church. Make sure that you do not accuse him of having another woman. You may ask him whether that is true, but don’t talk as if you know for sure that that is happening.
You have not done anything wrong by marrying this man. Both of you were in love.  You started going to church and you made a decision to serve the Lord. You told him and both of you agreed to get married. Your husband is giving the impression that he is tired of having sex. He has said that too much of it is not good for him.

A man who is having sex about three times per week is not having too much sex. However, you have to remember that your husband is much older than you. And, perhaps he has really slowed down. Although, I wish to be careful what I say because some men who are in their 40s are so active that their wives often wish that they could give them something to slow them down.

I am not making light of what you have said. You wish for this man to make love to you more often. Perhaps he is physically tired. You need to tell your husband that if he is physically tired, then both of you could agree to have sex once or twice per week, preferably on weekends. I repeat, remain faithful to him.

Bear in mind that when couples rarely have sex with each other, that can lead to infidelity. Do not wait for your husband to touch you. You can take the initiative and touch him. Be assertive, you are his wife.

Pastor