Lousy husband says his side chick is a better lover

Dear Pastor,

I am having a problem and I want to get your guidance. I am 40 and divorced.

My husband lied that he loved me and that everything would be alright between us if we got married. His brother was married to my sister. We got along very well. His brother and my sister went to live in New York. He said he was not interested in living there because he does not love New York.

I fell in love with this man. I believed that he truly loved me. But I found out that he only loved me because of what I could do for him. My sister was against the relationship, but I carelessly allowed this man to get me pregnant. I did not want to abort the pregnancy because of my age; so I had the child, who is now seven. When I told my sister that I was pregnant, she was very upset and she encouraged me to do an abortion.

During my pregnancy, I found out that this man was having a relationship with another woman who had lost her husband. She was much older than him. He said that that relationship didn't mean anything to him; it was only sexual and he did not want an old woman. As soon as I found out that I was pregnant, I married him in a very small wedding; just the two of us, two witnesses and the marriage officer. My sister said that I did not have any pride and she would never come to my house.

This man used to sleep with me one night and then sleep with the other woman the following night. She bought him expensive gifts. I always wondered why I allowed myself to be fooled by this man. He started to show his real colours during my pregnancy. Whenever we had a fuss, there were many nights when he did not come home. He was always with the other woman. He said he was staying with her because he was comfortable and she was not fussing with him. I left his dinner and if he came home, he would not eat it, saying that he was not hungry. One day I called the woman and asked her why she wouldn't leave my husband, and she asked why I am still with her man. She has no intention of leaving him. The following morning when he came home, I told him that I was going to divorce him. He told me I was free because although his woman is older, she is giving him better sex; she is much tighter down there. I have made a big mistake by getting involved with this man.

Now, I do not want any man in my life any more. Before we got married, I loaned this man money to put into his business and he never paid me back. I have asked him for the money many times, but he said I will have to wait until the business is making money. He still has $300,000 for me. Is it wrong for me to take him to court to get my money?

C.L.

Dear C.L.,

Your sister did not want you to get into an intimate relationship with her husband's brother.

But you saw nothing wrong in loving him. After he got you pregnant you felt that the right thing to do was to get married and not live in concubinage. But evidently this man wanted you because he could get material things from you. He did not marry you because he loved you, he married you because you were in a position to help him; unfortunately, you couldn't see that. But there are many like him.

You knew your sister would be very much against the marriage, so you never invited her to the wedding. While you became his wife, he was going with another woman. I could imagine that the gifts she showered on him were costly. It is not unusual for some older women to give expensive gifts to younger men who they love.

I would suggest that you discuss with an attorney whether you should take this man to court for the money he owes you. I hope you can prove that it was a loan and not a gift.

Pastor