Babymother thinking of leaving me for America

Dear Pastor,

I am 30 and from I was about 10 years old, I have been living with my grandparents.

My mother left me with them and went to America. I never saw her again until I was 20. When I was 18, I got a young lady pregnant and her father told her that she could not stay in the house. So my grandmother told her that she could come and live with us. She came and she gave birth to a baby girl. My grandmother named her Hope. She taught my babymother how to sew because that is the work my grandmother did. She made uniforms for schoolchildren. My child's mother learnt the skill from her. She and my grandmother never quarrelled.

When she complained to my grandmother that I had other women, my grandmother told her that if she had never seen me in the act, she shouldn't put that on her head. To tell you the truth, there were times when I went with other women, but I used 'boots'. I never admitted to my grandmother or to my child's mother that I had sex with other women.

My girlfriend said that she would like two things: she wants to get married; and she wants to live in America. Her mother came to Jamaica about four years ago and stirred her up, telling her that she got married twice in America and divorced both men. Her mother is a firebrand; she talks to her daughter regularly now. I told her that she could always leave because she told me that her mother says she would find a man in America for her and that man will help her get her green card. My grandmother told her that whenever she is leaving, she should leave her great-granddaughter.

Pastor, this girl is ungrateful. My grandmother has done so much for her and she wants to turn her back on her and her child. I am not concerned about myself because women love me. But it would really upset my grandmother if she takes away the child. Nowadays whenever she is talking to her mother and I am passing by, she whispers. I asked her if they are planning to kill me why she can't talk out loud. If we are in bed and her mother calls, she goes into the bathroom or outside to talk to her.

I met another girl who loves me. I would marry that girl over my child's mother because she is smart. I am not yet ready to settle down. My grandmother used to tell me that for the sake of my daughter, I should marry her mother. But I don't think that I love her enough to marry her, so I am asking you for your advice.

A.I.

Dear A.I.,

I am glad your grandmother took this young woman in after she became pregnant.

I am also happy to know that your grandmother taught her how to sew and she has been able to make dresses and school uniforms. So she has not been a total burden to you. It is good to know that she communicates with her mother. But it does not appear as if the mother has a good influence on her.

Suddenly this girl has become uneasy. She has now developed what we may call 'foreign mind'. Jamaica is not good for her any more and when a person comes to the place where they would even get married for the sole purpose of getting a green card, that marriage is unlikely to work. Your grandmother has said that whenever she is going, she should leave her child with her. The bond of the child and your grandmother is special. However, the child does not belong to your grandmother; it is the young woman's child. Therefore, if she is indeed leaving Jamaica, don't fight over the child.

This young woman will always remember that it is your grandmother who has given her a start in life. She can develop the skill that she has learnt. Please, young man, try your best not to waste your life with different girls. Give yourself over to God and always take care of your daughter. I wish you well.

Pastor