I’m trying to fix a broken relationship

Dear Pastor,

I am writing to you for some advice. I have been going through a lot over the past few months. I recently turned 30 and I am dating a man in his early 50s. I know this man for more than three years; we were just friends but we started dating one year ago.

This man has come to my place and I have gone to his place on numerous occasions. I was going through a lot with family and I had financial issues, so I tend to forget things at times.

The man I was so fond of has started accusing me of being unfaithful. He claims I'm too friendly with my neighbour and that I'm seeing other men or getting dropped off at home by them, though he has no proof of any of these accusations. I admit, I'm often on the phone, either talking or texting, but now he says he doesn't trust me and that I should just live my life however I want. What really stood out is that on his social media, I've noticed him liking and commenting under other women's photos with things like 'sweet girl', 'beauty', 'cutie', or 'beauty queen'.

I mentioned it to him once, but he didn't stop. He said both of us are just dating as friends. I am trying to understand how we are dating as friends when all we do now is have sex and nothing more. I feel he is drifting from me because we used to talk late into the night and do other things. He said that every night we spent on the phone talking, I was wasting his time.

I recently noticed that he doesn't call me during the nights any more, only in the daytime. During the days I work from home for my company and his company. I use two computers to do both jobs. Whenever he calls me in the day it's just about work. In the night he doesn't talk to me, except through one and two text messages, but I have proof he talks to other women until late at night.

On some weekends we meet up and have sex. I feel this man is using me for sex. He doesn't give me attention any more, but I really want to fix what we have. This man had a damaged past, he always uses his past with the mothers of his four children to judge me, but I am different and he can't see that. Every day I just work from morning to night and go to bed. In-between I have to tend to the kids, cook, clean, and that's it.

Please advise me, pastor. Thank you in advance.

S.M.

Dear S.M.,

If this man used to love you, he has changed. The love has died. You realised that, but you refuse to accept that. You are hoping that a miracle will take place that this man will change and come back to you because you truly love him. On the other hand, you know the truth; he is using you. What he wants from you is sex; he has no intention of making you his wife. I hope you would not get mad at me for telling you the truth.

You are not a fool, but you are allowing this man to treat you as a fool. You are a hard-working woman. You are loyal to this man but he is not loyal to you. He is very insulting. You have taken him as your man, but he tells you that as far as he is concerned, both of you are only dating. What an insult to you. You should allow him to go. You have to learn to keep your legs closed. Pray and ask God to help you to meet a good man and in God's own time. Everything will change for the better.

Don't fret over this man. You said that you want to 'fix the relationship between this man and you. There is nothing here to fix. Let the man go. I will be praying for you.

Pastor