‘Don’t think I can take the pain any more’

Dear Pastor,

I am reaching out in search of guidance and support. I am a 35-year-old single mother who is struggling deeply with a multitude of challenges.

I feel as though life is pushing me to my breaking point, and I don't know how much longer I can hold on. In 2022, I was forced out of my home by my son's grandmother. With the assistance of the police, I was forced to leave my son behind with his father. The reason is that I was struggling to care for him, especially under my difficult circumstances. Since then, I have been trying to build a life for myself, living first with my mother, who helped me to secure a rental place. But despite this, I feel overwhelmed and consumed by my past.

I have been carrying trauma from my childhood years, as I was abused by my stepfather and my mother's boyfriend. The scars of physical and mental abuse still haunt me, and I live with PTSD, dyslexia, high blood pressure, and bipolar disorder. Every day feels like a struggle, and at times, I fear I might not make it through. I have no one to turn to; no friends, no supportive family. I am the black sheep in my father's family. I am isolated and alone.

Jamaica does not seem to offer support without making people feel like they are being punished or charged for seeking help, and I do not know where to turn. I am tired of carrying this burden alone, and I am scared that I might end my life if this pain continues. I am desperately trying not to give in to these thoughts, but I fear I cannot hold on much longer. I am writing not only to share my pain, but to ask for any guidance or support that may help me through this dark time. I am a mother who misses her child dearly, and I want to find a way to heal so that I can be a better person for him.

Please, Pastor, if you have any advice, resources, or simply words of encouragement, I would be forever grateful. I am trying to hold on, but right now, I feel as though I am drowning.

Struggling Mother

Dear struggling Mother,

While I was reading your letter, I was hoping to see you say that you have gone to see a therapist and have been working with one.

Clearly you need professional help. You cannot stand your burdens alone. I was also hoping to see you say that this matter went to court. You say you were living with this man at his mother's house and she asked you to leave. So you left the house and you did not take your son. I am assuming that you were not in a position to take him and to support him, so you were forced to leave him. You continue to move around without a resting place.

You are a greatly worried woman. You listed a number of things from which you are suffering. I am assuming then that doctors have told you that you are suffering from these things. I wish I could speak to you personally or by phone, but you did not give me your telephone number. So I can only encourage you to work with a psychiatrist. I am not here saying that you are losing your mind, but I believe from what you have stated, you may need medication occasionally.

May I also suggest that you consult a lawyer concerning your son who lives at the house with his father? Ask the lawyer your way forward.

Pastor