Prefer to masturbate than sleep with my wife

Dear Pastor,

I am 27 years old and I am a Christian. I got married when I was 23.

I was fornicating when I was 20 years old. I knew that was wrong. I had different girlfriends. I went to a retreat and on the last night of it, I made a commitment at the campfire that I would try and keep only one girl.

About six months after the camp, I proposed to one of the girls I used to have sex with at the camp and she said yes. I didn't know that this girl used to have sex with different men. She used to sell her body to them, but after I found these things out, I did not enjoy having sex with her any more. For a long time, I have had to force myself to have sex with her; I prefer to masturbate. She doesn't mind seeing me masturbate and sometimes she assists me in doing so. Once in a while she gives me oral sex. She tells me that I am weird. She said that she doesn't have sex with other men any more, but I don't believe her. I am wondering what to do.

My mother asked me when am I going to give her a grandchild, but the way I am going about my life, that does not seem that it is going to be possible. I know something is wrong with me. I cannot mention these things in church. Sometimes I think about divorcing this woman, but I do not think that is the right thing to do. I am struggling with two things. Why do I enjoy masturbation more than having sex? And how do I overcome the thought that my wife had sex with so many men?. When I met her, she didn't tell me.

K.P.

Dear K.P.,

I know for sure that you need to see a psychologist. You were engaged in illicit sex for a long time with multiple women.

You never really loved the woman to whom you got married. You might have had a liking for her, but there was no genuine love there. You didn't even know much about her lifestyle. If you had, you would not have married her. Both of you started out well when you married her, until everything drastically changed after she told you about her lifestyle before she got married.

You know, sir, I am amazed at what you said, because I would think that most men would be interested in having sexual intercourse instead of practising masturbation. The vagina will attract them more than what men call 'Mr Palmer'. But although you are married, Mr Palmer is being used to satisfy you. So, I repeat, you need to see a psychologist. I hope that by seeing one, he or she would work with you and you will overcome the practice of masturbating so often.

I don't know if your wife is continuing to see other men, but it is highly unusual for her not to want to engage in sexual intercourse and to not complain about what you are practising. I think I will end the matter here and I hope that you would write me again and tell me whether you have made progress after seeing a psychologist. I wish you well, my brother, I wish you well.

Pastor