Boyfriend pressuring me to try anal sex

Dear Pastor,

I am 19 and I have a boyfriend who does freaky things. We have been together for one year.

When I first met him, I could stand his freaky behaviour, but he is getting worse. This guy got me into oral sex, which I don't mind. But now he wants to go beyond that. He said we must try to do anal sex, which I am against, but he is pressuring me. I told him that I would prefer that we break up. I asked him where he learned about it and he said that some of his friends are doing it with their women, so why can't we? I told him I do not trust any man who does that to his woman. Do you think I was wrong in saying that to him?

He got me to do oral sex even though I had two boyfriends before him. My big problem is that I don't want to move from man to man, but this guy and his nonsense may be a good reason for me to drop him. Apart from the sex issue, he does other crazy stuff, but I can deal with those. For example, he is very jealous. He doesn't give me much freedom to go where I want. He tracks me down all the time. I told him if I wanted to cheat on him, he couldn't stop me because he cannot watch me 24 hours a day.

Cheating is not in my mind. He is a good man and he treats me well. I told my mother what he wants me to consent to and she asked me why I am still with him. I told her that it is because I love him. She told me that he is going too far, because love does not mean that a woman has to subject herself to everything that a man wants her to do. I agree with her. Now, what do you say?

E.L.

Dear E.L.,

I am glad you have a good relationship with your mother and that you can talk to her about these things.

Some girls cannot speak to their mothers about such personal, sexual matters. So I would say that it is good to have this type of relationship, where you feel very free in discussing the matter of sex with your mother.

Your boyfriend loves to do freaky stuff. I will not publish a couple of them that you mentioned. But if your boyfriend continues to insist that you should have anal sex with him, it might be a good time to move on. You are 19 and old enough to say what you would do or not do with a man. This nonsense your boyfriend is telling you, that he has friends who do so-and-so with their women, is questionable. Just because other women consent to certain things, you don't have to do the same.

You have not said the type of work that you do. Please, I encourage you to go back to school if you are out of school. You need to have a good education if you are going to be able to support yourself or work with your husband in the future. I know you are not married, but that is something you should look forward to. All women should strive to be financially independent, and having an education is the way forward. You can't pay your bills through sex or what some people call love. It is money that pays all bills, so don't forget that.

Bye for now.

Pastor