I left my man and married my landlady’s son

Dear Pastor,

I am a 20-year-old young woman, and I have one child. From the time I got pregnant, I told the man who got me pregnant, but he stopped talking to me. I kept calling him on his cellphone, but he was not picking up. I later realised he blocked me. I went to see one of his close friends, and I found out from him that he has gone abroad. His friend told me that he can take care of me, but we will have to become boyfriend and girlfriend. At first, I told him no, but the more I thought about it, it made sense to me because I did not have anybody to help me.

When my mother questioned me about who got me pregnant, I eventually had to tell her the truth. When I told her I could not locate the man, she said that was big trouble. With his best friend telling me that all I have to do is go to bed with him, I told my parents that I had found the man, but it was a lie.

This guy found a place for us to live. It was not a nice area, but I agreed to leave my parents' home and move in with him. At first, I felt like a dog for going to live with a man who was a close friend of the man who got me pregnant, but I soon got over it. This man could hardly read, but he was able to write his name, so all the transactions that we did were from me.

It was very hard on me because he was in construction work, and he used to just take off his work clothes and put them in a bag, and I had to wash them by hand. The rent was not expensive, and the landlady was helpful to me. One day, she saw the amount of clothes I was washing, and she came and helped me to wash. I was very surprised. The rent was only $20,000 per month, so it was not difficult to pay. The landlady and I became good friends; she was like a mother to me. She had two sons, but only one was living at the house with her. The other was living in Canada.

After I gave birth, this lady told me I should rest, and she came into our side where we were living and helped me. My mother came sometimes and helped also. In August, this lady's son came from Canada to visit, and when he saw me, he told his mother to put in a word for him. When she told me, she laughed and said that I never could tell what could happen.

Sometimes this man used to come into my room and sit and talk to me. His mother knew where he was. He spent two weeks in Jamaica, and I am ashamed to let you know that before the two weeks were up, he begged me for sex, and he offered me CDN$100 and told me that I would get more if I agreed to leave my boyfriend. I did not register the child in the name of the man I was living with because I did not want any problems later on.

This man and I did not have unprotected sex. He kept calling me, and whenever he didn't get me, he called his mother. He and I became very good friends, and on the phone, he proposed to me. I agreed to marry him. The guy I was living with said I have changed. When I was sure that this lady's son was a better deal, I told the guy that I did not love him. He said he would break up my bones, but the lady told him that he could not touch me. She gave us notice, and I reported him to the police. So our relationship came to an end.

The landlady's son flew back to Jamaica, and we got married privately. Now I am hoping to go and live in Canada with my husband. He has promised to adopt my son. This guy, who was living with me, told me he was sorry for threatening me and that he still loves me, but, Pastor, I have never loved him.

S.L.

Dear S.L.,

This man, who can hardly read, should go back to school. I am not going to condemn him, nor would I condemn you. I am not saying that both of you shouldn't have gotten together; circumstances brought both of you together, and he tried to help you. But he went wrong when he threatened you.

Your landlady was very good to you. I have never heard of a landlady helping a tenant to wash by hand. She loved you, and probably she felt that this young man with whom you lived did not deserve to have you. So she encouraged her son to have a relationship with you.

I wish you well. May your future be bright. May your husband take good care of you. And that's all I have to say.

Pastor