Think I found the perfect man

Dear Pastor,

I am 29 and I am having a relationship with a man who is 27. I know that I am older, but he is very kind and helpful to me.

Three years ago, I became pregnant by another man who disappeared afterwards. When I contacted him, he behaved as if I was a bad girl and he didn't know what I was talking about.

He called me bad because I contacted his sisters and told them that I was carrying his child. He told me to find the man who breed me and never to call him again. He blocked me.

I could not believe he was the same man who was so sweet when we first met. I prepared everything for my baby all alone. All my savings were used up. When I realised he was not going to help me with the child, I thought of doing an abortion, but I changed my mind and went through the struggles alone.

When I was eight months pregnant, I met my present boyfriend. I had taken my car to be serviced and he worked on it. During the conversation, he asked me when I was going to give birth and I told him. I found out that he was living very close to me, so he told me that if he could be of help, I should call him.

One Saturday I called him and told him that I needed help and he said he could not respond to my request because he was leaving work late, but he would try to help me the following day.

Sunday morning bright and early he called and I told him what I needed. He said "Miss 'So and so', write down everything for me and I would go to the supermarket and get them."

My sister was staying with me and he said he would take her along. This man bought everything I wanted and even some things I did not think about. The money I gave him was not enough and he used his own money to purchase these things.

My sister and I were impressed. We both fell in love with him. She told me "Hold on to this man because he is different." I wonder whether he was so nice because our friendship was new.

When it was time for me to give birth, he took the day off from work and went with me. Even the nurse thought he was the father. Now, this relationship has grown. Six months after giving birth, we started to have sex. I was very nervous, but he was gentle and caring.

Before we went to bed, I asked him if he had a girlfriend and he said yes, but he cannot marry her because his parents don't like her and she does not like them. I struggled over his age because I like my man to be older than me, but he looks older than his age. He neither smokes nor drinks. I do not like men who smoke, drink or gamble.

Although I did not register the child in his name, his mother has been playing the role of a nanny. She keeps the child while I am at work and I pay her. She is always telling me to take care of her son. He takes care of my car. He does not ask me for any money. When it comes to money, the only question is whether I had paid my rent.

I have never met any man like him. He is an amazing man. I now understand that age is just a number. I cannot reverse my age to suit him. I would like to know how you feel about this relationship.

C.

Dear C.,

If this man and you are truly in love with each other and you believe he is genuine, marry him.

Of course you have not mentioned whether he has proposed, but I am assuming that he has. Marry the man; do not allow him to slip out of your fingers. You are fortunate that his mother takes care of your baby while you are at work. That is a good woman. You, however, should discuss with this man whether you should take the child's father to court for maintenance. He should be forced to support his child. He is very out of order to class you as a bad girl and he should not go free every day without standing up to his responsibility.

There are still good men around, and, as you can see, you have got one. May this relationship last, and may your child grow up and learn to respect him. I hope you will be telling me about the wedding the next time I hear from you.

Pastor