Sexy Chat: Are you too single?

Human beings are social creatures and our society has created a formula for the stages that we should go through. Life starts at birth, then childhood, adolescence, into adulthood. The rules get even more specific when we get to adulthood because, at some point, people are supposed to choose a spouse, get married, have children and raise a family. While this was the formula that our ancestors enjoyed, many young people in today's society have opted not to take that route.

Choosing to be single

Many millenials (individuals born after 1980) are not trying to fit that mold, choosing instead to stay single. From not being able to find someone that they are compatible with, to being focused on their careers, there are a myriad of reasons why young people are unattached.

With less people getting married and more marriages ending, there is a very large single population. But what happens when a person is single for too long? How does it affect their ability to be in a committed relationship and eventually settle down? Let's examine some of the side effects of being single for a long period of time:

• Become reclusive - Most persons prefer to socialise with company so someone who is single for a while may lose their friends to marriage and end up spending much of their time alone, eventually getting to the point where they just stay home, only leaving for work and back. They make no effort to socialise and the prospect of meeting new people becomes even more daunting over time.

• Independent - Being independent is a good thing until it becomes extreme. When an individual spend so much time alone, they find a way to do without people. This becomes problematic when something happens - like illness - and there is no one to help.

• Become complacent - Sometimes being in a relationship can serve as motivation for individual to take care of him/herself. Without this motivation, they will let themselves go. When some persons are single too long, they stop grooming themselves, gain weight and overall they are not looking their best.

• Married to work - Some person use their job as a reason why they can't be in a relationship. Demanding responsibilities and long hours makes it difficult to go out and meet new people.

• Unwilling to share - After an individual has been singe for an extended period of time, it becomes harder for them to share their space with someone. This can become a source of conflict in a new relationship should they start one. Also, because that person has gotten used to not collaborating with someone, that also takes some adjustment.

It is a fact that relationships are not for everyone and not all adults want to get married and live a traditional life. The key is to figure out what makes us happy as individuals and try to achieve that. Do not feel pressured into making a choice that will please everyone else. Instead, find a way to bring purpose to your life. Have fun and stay sexy.

Send your questions or comments to sexychatwithshelly@gmail.com or Tweet me @drsexylive or Facebook www.facebook.com/allaboutthesexy

Question

Dear Dr. Sexy,

My sister recently had a baby and I find myself thinking about having one as well. I just broke up with my boyfriend and I don't have any prospects. I am 29 years old and I am ready to be a mother. I have a good job, so I can take care of a child on my own. I have a friend that says he will give me the sperm, but I don't like him like that. What should I do?

Kiesha, Portmore

Dear Kiesha,

I understand that you want to be a mother, but what's the rush? You are 29, so you have time to find a partner who wants to co-parent with you. Money is just one of the things you need to take care of a child and it is easier if you have someone who wants to share the journey with you. Take the time to find a partner then you can have a child with that person. In the mean time, enjoy being an aunt. Remember having a child with someone is a permanent decision and you will be linked with that person forever. I think you should at least like that person first. So take your time.

Good luck!

Dr Sexy