Seek therapy for loneliness

As children, we all have dreams about how our lives will be when we grow up. We know what kind of career we want, what our ideal spouse will look like, and how many children we want to have, if any. But it never occured to us that our plans might not work out as we imagined them.

As adults, reality has a very profound effect on our dreams and almost everything we expected to achieve as children begin to seem impossible.

When bills, low salary, and other responsibilities are taken into consideration, life just seems to be much harder than the one we dreamed about.

Before you know it, you're in your 30s, you hate your job, you have no relationship, and you feel like your life is going nowhere.

In 2010, the Mental Health Foundation in the United Kingdom found loneliness to be a greater concern among young people than the elderly. Persons between 18 and 34 who were surveyed were more likely to feel lonely often, to worry about feeling alone, and to feel depressed because of loneliness than persons over 55.

GETTING LONELIER

They published a paper, titled The Lonely Society that highlights the fact that even with the advancement of technology, it seems that persons are only getting lonelier. Technology is supposed to open up our ability to communicate, but it seems to have also made it more difficult for individuals to stay connected.

There aren't any national statistics that show the quality of those relationships, but statistics suggest that the relationships which research has shown to be so vital to our health and well-being are under threat by trends in our society. Our cities and public spaces are more crowded, but more of us are living alone.

Unfortunately, Jamaica is not a society that pays enough attention to the importance of mental health, so there aren't many options available for persons who want to seek help to deal with their feelings of loneliness. Furthermore, our culture doesn't encourage persons to seek therapy for loneliness because it doesn't seem like a big enough issue. I would like to address this attitude as false.

DEPRESSION

Loneliness is not a far step from depression. In fact, many lonely persons are also depressed. It's not enough to just be around people. If a lonely person feels like he/she has no one he/she can depend on or talk to, then being in a room full of people does not help. Feeling lonely can negatively affect relationships, job, and basically all aspects of life. So, if you are feeling lonely, first recognise it for what it is. You can't address an issue if you don't acknowledge its existence. Then I would recommend that you find someone you can talk to. If you don't trust friends and family, see a professional. Being able to process the cause of your loneliness is very integral to recovery.

Send your questions or comments to sexychatwithshelly@gmail.com or tweet me @drsexyann or Facebook www.facebook.com/allaboutthesexy Website: www.drsexyann.com

Question

Dear Dr Sexy-Ann,

I love the foreplay with my lady and we have great sex together, but lately I have been fantasising about pleasing another woman during sex. Am I a bad person? Is this considered cheating? And should I come clean with my partner? Thanks in advance for your advice.

Ronald, Canada

Dear Ronald,

There are people who will say that once you have the thought it counts as cheating, but I disagree. I think you should be able to have your thoughts. It's when you act on these thoughts that cheating occurs. As far as the fantasies are concerned, it sounds like there is something about your lady that you no longer find attractive and that is something that you should certainly address. The timing of the fantasy is what is problematic. Your lady would prefer that you focus on her during sex, so work on that.

Good luck

Dr Sexy-Ann