Let’s get intimate

What’s the difference between sex and intimacy? Simply defined, sex is simply the act of intercourse; the physical gratification of enjoying a good sexual experience and orgasm with a partner. Intimacy is something else – something much deeper. Intimacy is an emotional connection shared between partners that goes beyond the physical expression of sex. It is possible to have intimacy during sex and also sex without intimacy.

Sex is an important part of relationships, so much so that in some cases, it can be the difference between the success and failure of a union. For so many couples, intimacy is a harder feat to manage because it requires honesty and vulnerability that some struggle with. Typically, a lack of both sex and intimacy in relationships is a very clear indication that the couple is having serious problems and may not be able to sustain their union.

Personally, I am a very big fan of intimacy, and I believe that the ability to really nurture that part of the relationship is a major skill required to maintain a happy relationship. I also know that healthy intimacy has the amazing side effect of a better sexual connection. So how do you improve the intimacy in your relationship?

Don’t focus on the sex instinctively: We are sexual beings, and so we will always be drawn to satisfy our physical urges. Delaying that physical gratification while working on improving the connection as a couple can actually make the sexual intercourse that much better. Instead, find ways to bond, for example, holding each other and being in each other’s space for 10 minutes without doing anything else - just breathe the same air and allow your bodies to communicate.

Talk about sexual desire: Believe it or not, couples don’t talk about their personal sexual needs enough, especially before they are upset about not being satisfied. This is an important conversation that must happen even before they have their first sexual experience together. Asking questions about arousal and turnoffs can give great insight and set a blueprint for how to please each other sexually.

Be open to being uncomfortable: Not everyone is on the same level when it comes to sexual expression. We don’t learn about sex in the same way, and sometimes we need an opportunity to catch up. Be patient with your partner, who may need some time to get comfortable with the idea of being fully intimate with you.

So many relationships are being tested as couples are forced to spend much more time together than they usually do because of the current global pandemic. Now more than ever, we have to learn how to be intimate with each other so that we can strengthen our unions and come out of this experience closer and even more in love. The flip side is that some couples will realise that they cannot find that intimate connection and decide instead to part ways after COVID. The result is completely dependent on your actions, so get to work.

Send your questions or comments to sexychatwithshelly@gmail.com or tweet me @drsexyann, or Facebook: www.facebook.com/allaboutthesexy. Website: www.drsexyann.com