Boyfriend only wants sex on a Saturday evening

Dear Pastor,

I am 20 and I have a boyfriend who is 25. He is not my first boyfriend. I did not live with my first boyfriend, but my present boyfriend and I do.

He is not Jamaican, but we have a good relationship. He was asked to leave where he was living. His friends were not treating him right, so we decided to live together and share the bills. I used to live with one of my sisters. She was very upset when I told her I was going to live with my boyfriend. His parents are not poor, and although he is 25, they still send him money and I think they treat him as a child. I have never met them. His mother talks on the phone with him for hours. I asked him what they have to talk about for so long and he said, "Mother- and-son business."

This man got me pregnant, but I lost the baby. I was very happy, because I was not ready. This man can cook, so he does most of the cooking. But he has some weird practices, for example, he only makes love to me when he wants to, and his time is on a Saturday evening. Why Saturday? He said that he is able to relax after we wash and do chores, and so on. Sometimes I would like to go out, but he tells me that he has to save money, so we hardly go out.

My sister sometimes calls and visits, but he told her not to come by on a Saturday evening. She asked me why and I told her that is the time we fool around. She said she could not live with a man who is so controlling - even telling her when they should make love. He told me that I like to make love too often. He also said that his uncle told him that a man should not engage in sex more than once per week, and he should only do one round.

But Pastor, when we have sex, I am not satisfied; I want more. I told him that if he does not change and have sex with me more often, I am going to leave him. He says I am bad; but I know my needs. So I am asking you to give me your advice.

M.R.

Dear M.R.,

First of all, I am glad that you are very comfortable, and when I say that, I mean you are living with a man who is of great help to you.

He cooks, does household chores, and assists you in paying the bills. He is very strict when it comes to lovemaking. He is following the advice of his uncle. I doubt that his uncle is Jamaican, and I say that because Jamaican men who live with their women do not have sex once per week unless their women are sick. It is not wise for a man to force himself to do 'second rounds' after he has ejaculated. But some men believe that they have the stamina to do so. I will not go further into this.

I am sorry that you threatened to leave your boyfriend because you often feel unsatisfied with the sex. Instead of threatening to leave him, you should tell him that both of you need to go and see a counsellor. I don't believe that you are bad because you demand more from him. He is not perfect, so both of you should make an appointment to see a counsellor.

Before I go, let me say this. Let the man talk as long as he wants on the phone with his mother. Some men take delight in talking to their mothers. Some men have been weaned, so don't try to get between them.

Pastor