14-y-o and having a lot of problems

Dear Pastor,

I am 14 and I have a whole bunch of problems. You may think to yourself, how much problems can a 14-year-old have, but I can tell you - more than enough. I am currently living in the Bahamas with my stepdad. My mother is in the United States.

When I was in Jamaica while my mother was away, she used to leave me with her friends. One day when I went by my aunt's house for the summer, we were sleeping in the same bed. She got up out of bed to start breakfast and she told her nephew he could go sleep in the bed with me, not thinking anything would go wrong. He was 27 and I was 10 at the time. He came in and started to feel me up. I was scared. I thought if he knew I was awake he would kill me, so I just laid there and cried.

When I left my aunt's house, I told the person I was living with and she told my mother. When the news got to the nephew he denied it, saying I am a liar. I felt as if everyone thought so, too.

I know you might be thinking my mother is a wicked woman for leaving me with these people, but, pastor, she has been trying with me from birth. She provides for me, I don't need a dollar at home.

My stepfather often masturbates and he does it in the open as if he wants me to see. I told my mother instantly and she said whenever he starts I should go in my room, which I do. At my school, because I am not Bahamian they treat me poorly. Discrimination is high and both teachers and students give me bad face, so I just keep to myself. My classmates often pick on me and call me an immigrant.

Most days, I cry until my eyes are puffed up and red. I have very little friends. My classmates curse me for the simplest things. They say that I am trying to be better than them or I act innocent. I am a prefect at school and is in the top stream. I am striving for excellence but it feels like I am failing. I want life to be better for my mother and I. The friends that I do have also laugh at me.

I miss my homeland so bad. I miss Jamaica. I don't go anywhere where I am, not even outside to throw away the garbage. Another thing, recently I met my real dad when I was in Jamaica earlier this year. It was my first time meeting him. I tried to get in contact with him but he is so far away. He doesn't call me and that really breaks me down more. It's not as if he doesn't have my number, pastor. I am asking for your response. I need help and guidance. I know you might recommend counselling, but, pastor, I can tell you from now, I wouldn't go for it. I would have no one to take me. Much love.

J.A

Dear J.A.,

I am glad that you have written. I believe you. I want to encourage you by telling you that you are a very good girl and your classmates are jealous of you. That's why they laugh. Your school has recognised that you are a cut above the rest. That's why you were made a perfect. Your teachers would not laugh at you. They would be proud of you and wish that other students would look at you as a role model. Therefore, I want you to continue to ignore those who laugh at you. It is unfortunate what happened to you when you were 10. You have a good mother. She is trying her very best to support you and I want you to give God thanks every day for her. You do need to socialise a little more. You don't have to go to wild parties and carry on in a disgraceful manner, but you should attend church and socialise with the young people. Most churches have youth fellowship. I am glad you met your father. Perhaps he does not know how to respond to you because both of you have only come to know each other recently. Don't give up on him. Call him as often as you can. Send him cards on special days. If you can afford it, make a call to him at least once per week. You have declared that you would not go for counselling and I understand what you are trying to say. You may, however, call me on the phone from time to time and I will speak to you, or write to me as you have done either on my website, www.dearpastor.com, or my email address: dumas.dearpastor@gmail.com. I will be praying for you. May the good Lord be pleased to bless you always.

Pastor