I’m choosing love over church

Dear Pastor,

Greetings to you and your staff. I am a regular reader of your column and I am inspired by your answers. I would like to be a counsellor like you. I am 30 years old and I have a girlfriend. I would like to marry her, but I am not educated. She is a schoolteacher. She told me I should not listen to what people say as the important thing is that we love each other.

She is five years older than I am and she has two children. I do not have any children.

I have been attending this church from the time I was in my teens. My girlfriend has been coming to the church for the past four years. We met at church. Some of the members have said that the fact that she is older than me and has two children means that we are not compatible. I went to see my pastor and told him of my intention to marry her. I also told him what people in the church have been saying. The pastor said that when he heard that this woman and I love each other, he, too, felt that we don't match each other. However, he said that he cannot choose for me. He said that I am old enough to know what I am doing. He said that he had been impressed by my girlfriend since she started attending the church with her children.

Pastor, my girlfriend has been teaching me a lot, and her children have started to call me daddy. I live at my grandmother's house. My grandmother raised me. She loves my girlfriend. My mother left me as a baby with my grandparents. My grandfather died 10 years ago, so the both of us have lived in this house. She gave me a plot of land to build a house. I am gathering enough material to build a two-bedroom house. When my grandmother passes, I will get the house.

I did not realise that this woman would have fallen in love with me. The two children she has are for one man. However, he is not in their lives, he is living somewhere in America. What do you have to say about this relationship?

Initial Withheld.

Dear Writer,

You have explained your situation very well. Your grandparents tried to raise you the best way they could. Unfortunately, you do not have the education that you would have love to have. However, you are doing well.

You have met a woman who loves you and both of you have decided to get married. She is not worried that you don't have a sound education. What is important here is that she loves you enough to marry you, and her two children love you and respect you. People, especially in the church, should not be passing negative remarks about the relationship. They should mind their own business.

The pastor has admitted that he, too, didn't think you and this woman were suited each other. He wasn't wise enough to keep his mouth shut, even if he felt that way at first. Some church people chat too much. Perhaps they are jealous of you. So I say to you, my brother, do what is right; marry the woman.

Pastor