My first brush with romance has me confused

Dear Pastor,

I am 17-and-a-half years old and I live alone with my parents. I have a brother and a sister, but they live in Canada. I am hoping to go to the United States to study.

I met a young man at a friend's birthday party and he told me that he loves me. I asked him how could he know that he loves me, and he said that from the moment he saw me, it was love at first sight. I have heard about love at first sight, but I don't know if that truly works.

My father has always said that when he first saw my mother, he knew right away that she would be his wife. But my mother said when she saw my father for the first time, she did not love him because he was too skinny. However, over the years, she has grown to love him.

I would like you to tell me if a person could really love you when seeing you for the first time. How can I really know if I should follow my feelings about this guy. I don't want to make a mistake. I have never had any man close to me. I have had lots of guys who are just friends, but no intimate boyfriend.

My parents told me that they would allow me to go on dates now that I am almost 18. I just want to know how I can be sure about this guy.

Y.C.

Dear Y.C.,

When people talk about love at first sight, what I think (but I am not sure) is that a great amount of feelings come over them. Something attracted them to that person. I knew a man, who is now deceased, and he said when he was introduced to a certain woman and he shook her hand, he knew right away that she would be his wife.

They dated and they got married. And they had six children. They lived a wonderful life together. Of course, they had their problems, but they were happy. This man would tell you that it was love at first sight.

But there are people who would tell you that love at first sight means it was a sexual attraction, and right away the men would want to go to bed with the women. But, as I see it, there must be something that is desirable on both sides, so this man who told you that the moment he saw you he fell in love, should be able to tell you what attracted him. He must be able to say how he knows that you are that perfect girl for him, and how he can be sure that he is not making a mistake.

When your mother met your father, she didn't like him because she said he was too skinny. Although you are very young, you must have some criteria that you would like in a man. What are those criteria? Should this man be over 5'6" tall? Should he speak standard English? Should he be handsome? Should he have a good profession or on his way to get that? Should he be still living at home? Should he be employed? What about his personality? What about his past life? Does he have children?

These are very important things you should have in mind. Would he encourage you to go to university or to have a good career? Does he want many children? How well does he treat his parents?

If this man is going to force you to have sex with him, you may know right away that he is not a good man. So listen to him carefully when he speaks and make your decision as to whether you would like to have him as your boyfriend or not.

Pastor