I don’t know my parents - Mother was half-drunk when she got pregnant

Dear Pastor,

I am a 16-year-old girl and I enjoy reading your column. My grandmother and I listen to the Dear Pastor Show on radio as well. I have been living with my grandmother since I was a baby. I don't know my father, and my grandmother does not know him, either. She said my mother brought me and gave me to her when I was one year old. She took me to her church and they blessed me. She said my mother did not even know the name of the man who got her pregnant.

My mother told my grandmother that she was half-drunk when she got pregnant with me. She was at this party and they were drinking, and all she could remember was that she woke up in a back room without underwear. The owner of the place said he doesn't know what happened, but he gave her money to find herself home. She contacted her friends who took her to the party and they said they she is to be blamed because she was careless, and when they were looking for her, they couldn't find her.

My mother went away and never returned. I would like to get to know her, but I love my grandmother. She is everything to me. She sends me to school and she does days' work and supports me. Sometimes when she listens to your show, she laughs out and says, 'Dear Pastor is really my company.'

I have never seen my grandmother with a man. My mother is her only child. I am doing very well in school. My grandmother doesn't hide anything from me, but she is always cautioning me about boys.

We live in a two-bedroom house. Her church brethren have helped her to add on a kitchen and a bathroom, and we are very comfortable. I am planning to go to the HEART/NSTA Trust to be trained to work in the hospitality seector. I have told my grandmother that I would love to be a nurse, but she says that I must start from the bottom and move up.

I don't have a boyfriend and I don't want any right now. Next year I will be out of school. I want my grandmother to be proud of me. Men are always calling me when I walk on the road. I can dance. I stay home and dance; and sometimes when I dance, my grandmother laughs and says maybe that is what got my mother into trouble.

I have a very nice shape. My grandmother says I should not let the men see that I am such a good dancer. I wish I knew where my mother was. Sometimes I wonder if I should try to find her on social media, but my grandmother says it would be very embarrassing to try to find her. Whenever she is ready, she will try to find me. I hope my grandmother is right.

N.K.

Dear N.K.,

I thank you for your letter. You are a good girl. Some people may think that your mother abandoned you, but she took you as a child and gave you to her mother. We do not know where your mother went and whether she is alive. But your grandmother has done her very best; from a child she took you to church and you were blessed; I am assuming that you carry your grandmother's last name. It is very sad indeed that your mother did not even know the man who had sexual intercourse with her. But I want you to know that that is not unusual. Lots of women have suffered a similar fate.

I am so happy to know that she has been enjoying the Dear Pastor Show and also his column. Continue to listen to your grandmother. She has guided you over the years. I am glad that you love her. It is evident that she loves you. You want to go to HEART/NSTA Trust; you will get there, and the desire you have for nursing may materialise. Don't allow the young men to fool you. Continue to be a good girl, and let me hear from you again.

Pastor