My husband barely wants sex from me any more

Dear Pastor,

I am a 31-year-old woman. I am married to a Jamaican man, but I am an American.

We have one child together. She is three years old. Her father loves her very much and he puts her first in his life. Whenever he comes home from work, he ignores me totally and spends all his time with her. Sometimes I have to ask him if he doesn't see me, but he still ignores me. We are sleeping together, but there are times he doesn't touch me for weeks. I do everything to entice this man. I sleep in the nude. If he goes into the bathroom to shower, I go in there and fool around him; I dry him off and I lotion him. All he says to me is "Thank you."

I have put on a little weight, so I asked him if that is what is bothering him and he said no. We only have sex when he wants it and I find that very hard, because when we were courting and he came to my house, I couldn't keep my clothes on. Nobody has told me anything, but I suspect that my husband has another woman. I asked him and he said that he doesn't. He said I am the only woman in his life and he couldn't afford to have another woman. But I don't believe him. I know he works hard, but so do I, and I make time for my husband.

We are living in a gated community and there are a couple of women here who live alone; they are his friends, but I don't see him going to their apartments. I asked one of his sisters, who is my very good friend, if she feels her brother has another woman. She said she didn't think so. But who can trust a man? That is the only problem I have with my husband. I am sex-starved and I don't want to cheat, but the thought of cheating has crossed my mind. I would rather leave this man than cheat on him.

Except for his sister, I have not told anybody about my problem. I would like you to give me your advice.

V.G.

Dear V.G.,

If you feel that your husband is ignoring you and you believe that he has another woman but is denying that he does, I suggest that you take the matter in hand.

Tell your husband that you have become very unhappy in the relationship and you would love for the both of you to make an appointment to go and see a family counsellor. I admit that it is rather strange for a man who loves sex to suddenly stop, even when you are showing him that you are longing to have sex with him, and you are doing the very best to entice him. He said that your weight is not the problem. He might not be speaking the truth, but something is wrong.

You say when he comes home he spends more time with his daughter. Lots of married women become jealous when their husbands choose to spend lots of time with their children. They feel that their children are ignoring them. But, don't worry yourself much because he spends lots of time with his daughter. Your husband needs to strike a balance, and right now he is not doing so. Please don't accuse him of having other women; it would not be wise to do so.

Continue to keep yourself attractive and find ways to spice up the relationship. A counsellor could show both of you how that can be done.

Pastor