Church members think I killed my fiancé’s wife

Dear Pastor,

I am having a problem and I hope you can help me. I am 31 years old and I am planning to get married very soon.

My fiance was married twice before. He divorced his first wife and his second wife died. My mother told me that I shouldn't marry this man because bad luck will follow me. Some people say that I killed his second wife because I knew her very well, as we attended the same church. We were both on the choir. But this man was 60 years old; he is twice my age. I had nothing to do with his wife's death. When she died, I did not even attend the funeral, because the rumour had started to go around that I was responsible for her death.

I want you to know that it is only since we decided to get married that we have been sleeping together. I started to go to his house and assist him after we got engaged. Some church people are very wicked. Many of them who are in the church were accusing me of taking this man away from his wife and causing her to die. I don't know what I could have done to take this man away from his wife.

I don't own a house, but he has one. But from the time I started to attend that church, I knew that the man loved me. We said hello to each other and he always makes his jokes, but I never opened up to him. And, as I said, I did not start to go to his house until we got engaged. My fiance raised the matter with the elder of the church. The elder said he should not let that bother him, neither should I worry about what people say. I love this man, but I do not like what people are saying.

My wedding dress is already bought. One of his sons has bought him a suit. His children love me and I get along very well with them. One of them told me that they heard what people are saying but I shouldn't make that prevent me from taking good care of their father. He needs comfort, and since their mother died, he has been fretting a lot.

M.B.

Dear M.B.,

People will talk whether they are church members or not. They see you as a young person and they are likely to say unkind things about you.

You are fortunate they have not yet called you a gold-digger. Many of the people in the church may feel that he should have married someone who is closer to his age. But despite what they say, if you know you love this man and that he loves you, go right ahead with your wedding. You are a young girl, and if this man knows that he can manage in every way, marry him. It is none of these people's business. Make sure that both of you go for premarital counselling.

Please let me know how the wedding plans are going. I wish you well.

Pastor