Caught my man with his pants down

Dear Pastor,

I would like you to help me make a decision. I am almost 30 years old and I am living with a man.

We have one daughter together, but he has two other children. When I met him, he could not read very well, but he was in a good job. He was working with a businessman who loved him and sent him everywhere because he is trustworthy.

I taught my boyfriend how to read and spell. He brought home his pay and gave to me. We saved together. So far, we have bought a piece of land.

My folks think that I don't have any ambition because I could be with another man. I went to a well-known high school and I am a good-looking girl. Many married men try to fool around me, but I stayed with this man, and I encourage him to support his children.

We almost broke up because one day I went into his phone and saw a girl on her knees giving him oral sex. The expression on his face showed that he was enjoying it. He did not have any proper explanation to give me. I destroyed the phone. I told him that I was going to scandalise his name.

This girl was a co-worker of his and he told me that she offered to do it to him because she wanted to get some favour from him.

I was angry with him because that is not something that she should do with him. We do oral sex together.

After I destroyed his phone, he had to lie and tell his boss that somebody stole it while he was downtown. He could not tell his boss that I destroyed it. His boss believed him and bought another phone for him.

This man thought I was going to leave him. He bawled like a cow. Occasionally, his boss invites us to his house. He is always encouraging us and giving us good advice. We are planning to build a three-bedroom house and his boss is hoping to give us a $3 million loan. We would work out the payments from his salary. His boss told us that we should not borrow the money that we need to build the house from the bank.

What do you think about this man?

My boyfriend could not fire the girl because the boss would have to know why she was fired.

T.

Dear T.,

I am glad that you and this man did not break up after you went through his phone and saw what he and one of his co-workers were doing. But before I deal with that, let me just say that I could see that you love this man.

When you became friends, he could not read and write well. You taught him how to read and write and I am assuming that it took much patience on your part to teach a grown man how to read and write. So I know that you had to love this man. You have done well.

Now, concerning what you saw on the phone, it is a pity that you destroyed the phone. This matter could have been handled another way, but you were so angry.

You thought the best thing to do was to destroy the phone. The poor man tried to tell you what happened; how he got into that situation. You didn't believe him. If he lied to you, he had to lie to his boss by telling him that someone stole the phone. But I am glad that you are still together.

Concerning the loan his boss has offered both of you to build a house, I would say accept his offer. But have the contract properly drawn up by a lawyer. You are a good spouse; a very good one too.

Pastor