Babyfather wants our children to live with him

Dear Pastor,

I am 41 years old and I am married with two children. The father of my children and I have remained good friends, but we did not get married.

He left the country and got involved with another woman. When he eventually called me, I was already involved with another man. He knew the other man and he told me to stay with him, but he would like to visit me whenever he is in Jamaica. I discussed it with my new man and he told me he would have no objection.

He started to send money for his children, but he did not visit Jamaica until four years later. When he was coming to Jamaica, I went to the airport with his children to meet him. They were excited to meet their father. He brought lots of clothes and shoes for them. I was glad that he did not come alone; his wife came with him. She hugged the children as if they were hers. He wanted to take them to spend time on the north coast with him and his wife, but I objected to that and so did my husband.

This man and I have remained good friends, but my husband does not want me to take chances with him. He said that the man has made his choice, so he should stay with his wife. I assured my husband that nothing would go on between us. I am very grateful that everywhere this man and I went, the children and his wife were always with us.

When I asked my children if they would like to leave their stepfather and I and go to live with their biological father, they said no, they don't want to leave us. This man and his wife have a son. They are hoping to have a girl. Since meeting the children in person, he sends me more money for them, but he is constantly asking whether I would allow them to visit them in America.

I would like to hear your opinion.

M.T.

Dear M.T.,

When these children have become adults, and are on their own, they can decide whether or not they would love to visit their biological father on their own.

Right now, they are in your house, under your control and that is how it should remain. I am glad, however, that he is supporting them very well. Now you take care of yourself and try your best to continue to protect your children.

Pastor