Taxi Tales: Twangy di Driva!

Twangy di Driva!

Ren: 'Ey Sher, some Jamaicans nuh easy enuh. Dis minute dem a talk patios, and as dem see a foreigner or as dem a talk to a foreigner, dem start twang. Yuh memba the taxi we took one morning where the driver made a phone call and his accent changed immediately?

Sher: Yes man, I remember. That Twangy did a give wi attitude from di moment him pick wi up. When him stop a wi foot, him did a rush we fi come inna di car. But him neva have no foreign accent weh him import as soon as him answer him phone.

Ren: Yes, and afta him rush wi, him still go up di road go lay-lay, say him a look next passenger. So mi ask him how him a rush we and come a waste we time and we haffi go a work. We get mad and a quarrel and outta orda Twangy tun up di radio and tune we out.

Sher: Rude him rude, but we did decide fi leave him alone and hold wi peace. Likkle afta dat Twangy phone ring and when him answer it, mi a wonder if a di same smaddy weh did a hog wi up inna Jamaican dialect. Massa, a piece a twanging unfold pon di phone. Mi and Ren nearly dead wid laugh roun' a di back seat.

Ren: Mi jus hear Twangy say, "Why you took so long to answer the phone," with a strong 'Jamerican' accent. But Twangy neva stop deh so. "Your dress, why you no just buy annoda one?" he asked the person on the line. "So where you naaow?" he questioned.

Sher: Sometimes it look like Twangy couldn't hear good cause a di driving. But you know like when Jamaicans can't hear well and dem say, "eeh"? Twangy never say dat, him say it in 'Jamerican'. He was like, "haaaaah? watch you say?"

Ren: Maasa! Twangy mek I laugh till I weak. So when we near fi reach, we ask Twangy if him can drive East Street. Him kindly tek di phone from him ears and tell we di cost fi turn off. We told him that drivers don't usually charge us to turn off because they are going downtown anyway. Twangy start cuss we off inna Patios, "My girl a work mi a work enuh, yuh tink a free gas dis?"

Sher: We never really shock say him dash weh di accent so fast because we did done see seh a jinal long time. We couldn't badda wid the argument because we did done see she him hot fi we from the moment we step inna him car. We kindly told him to proceed on the normal route and we will walk the distance. But it look like dat never please him either.

Ren: My man put back di phone a him ears and continue fi trace we, dis time in 'Jamerican'. "Haaah, you tink dis is a free gaaas? Is either yuh pay the fare or I carry you for free. Is a business I'm operating. What yuh tink? Ah don't know, it's a business," he said in a high pitched voice.

Sher: All now wi nuh look pon Twangy. We came out of his car and closed the door. Before him drive off, we see a big dent in side of his car. We wondered if it was a small accident on the road that had caused it and if Twangy had attacked the person the way he attacked us. Humble calf suck di most milk. That's why Ren and I saw him on another occasion and decided not to take his taxi.