Bedroom bully at 70 - Elderly lover boy seeks soulmate

Despite pushing past his prime, 70-year-old businessman John Black* isn't ready to throw in the towel just yet -- especially in the bedroom.

This Corporate Area-based bar and club owner, who has been divorced for over a decade, is on a mission to find the perfect woman to share his golden years. And he has outlined some high criteria.

"Mi no deh pon the gallis ting. I just need somebody to come into my life. I want somebody to come help take care a mi and ting. I have children, but everybody watching what I have, because I am a businessman who run bar, club, and so on. I also have a property I am going to sell, and mi want a woman come handle things. Dis year mi a go make mi will and any woman get mi, get quality," he declared.

But not just any woman will do. Black is making it clear -- ghetto girls need not apply.

"The woman must have quality and she nuffi live pon no gully bank. Mi no really want a ghetto girl, because dem can't change. Mi see dem dung di road and see how dem behave. Mi no need a young person either; dem fi over 45 or thereabout. I need someone who have a licence or can get one, who can drive me around sometimes. I will buy the vehicle once dem have the ability to drive, because I love to go up and down," Black said.

As much as he wants love, Black won't be anybody's ATM, warning gold-diggers to stay far.

"Dem nah go get no money, because dem can't just come and want mi money. Dem can enjoy it, but not get it in dem hand. Right now mi money no heavy, but it on the way. Some woman don't even know how to talk, and mi want someone who mi can even send to the pharmacy and send a mi doctor and lawyer," he said.

Reflecting on past flings, he recalled a woman who frequently visited, but on her own terms, while another simply helped herself to his belongings.

"Mi meet woman, yes, and yuh have a lady deh who come here when she feel like. Away from that, there was another who take out what she want out the place. Mi did have a lot of crockery, and she borrow one a mi appliance and she nuh bring it back, and she nah answer har phone," Black added.

But Black is selling himself as prime real estate. At 5ft 8 inches and 180 pounds, he says he's caramel-skinned and keeps active with regular push-ups. And when it comes to his bedroom game, he's letting it be known -- he's still in top form!

"I am diabetic and mi have a pain inna mi left knee sometimes, but nothing else. Mi active, man. So far. Mi can do mi ting inna the bedroom, mi nuh done yet. Mi nah go say mi ting is like a young bwoy, but mi a use it up," he said.

As for living arrangements, potential partners should be aware -- children are not welcome in his house.

"Funniest ting about it, eno, I don't mind a woman with children, but I don't want any live with mi. I like the one-room ting. I don't say I won't help out a person, but I don't decide dat yet. I don't want no bawling or no noise 'round mi. Next ting di pickney go open the fridge, turn on the stove and catch the place a fire. Mi nah go inna dat, yuh get mi," he said.

When it comes to physical preferences, Black is clear -- a 'thickas' is fine, but overweight women will not make the cut.

"Her weight can go up to about 180 pounds. Mi nuh want a mampy, because if she feel sick, how am I going to manage her? Mi gonna have to go tie a rope around her to draw her outta the house. Mi love when dem have nice breast, too," he said.

He's not planning on fine dining dates, either. His idea of romance? Bringing his lady to his place and sending a taxi for fast food.

"I have mi business to run, so mi couldn't take her out. But mi would make she come a my place and mi send mi taxi go buy her KFC or Burger King. If she nuh want the drinks weh mi have inna mi fridge, mi will send go buy something else fi har. She can come and sit down and we talk, and she see how the place stay," he said.

* Name changed to protect identity.