I caught my husband with the helper!

Dear Pastor,

I am 44 and my husband 52. We have been married for 20 years. We have a lovely home and we have two children. My husband has a good job but I earn more money than he does. That does not bother me. I do not make my husband feel that I am the boss. I allow him to make certain decisions but from time to time we disagree. We have always had helpers and we try to treat them well. I can't say that my husband ever had an affair with any of the girls who worked with us but now I am wondering if I was naÔve. Our present helper is very close to my husband. She is always willing to do anything he asks her to do. One of the children joked and said that, "she is daddy's second wife", and I laughed about it.

One night I was not feeling well. I woke up to make myself a cup of tea. I had left him watching television. When I looked he was not in the living room. The television was on. He was not in the bathroom either so I became suspicious. The children were in bed. My mind told me to check at the helpers' room. I knocked and tried the door knob and it was locked. I called my husband's name and he didn't answer. I sat down in the living room until I heard the door open. My husband came out and I asked him what was he doing in the helpers' room and he said he went in there to do something for her and he stretched across her bed and fell asleep. I went back to the room door and called out the helper and my husband begged me to keep my voice down because he did not want the children to hear. I asked her how long this was going on and she wouldn't answer. I pressed for an answer and she said I should ask my husband. He said it was the first time he went into her room.

This woman has three children in the country and a boyfriend and right under my nose she was having sex with my husband. I told her to pack her things but before I left for work she begged me pardon and told me that her boyfriend would kill her if he knew that she was having sex with my husband. It was not a regular thing she said but he was giving her a little extra money on her pay. I felt sorry for her and I told her to unpack. Since that time I refused to sleep on the same bed with my husband. He is sleeping in the same room with me but he is on the floor. The children know something is wrong but they don't know what it is because when we are at the table I don't exchange a word with him. I asked the helper if they had used condoms and she said no.

A.S.

Dear A.S.,

I am glad that you did not fire your helper. Some people would say that she deserves to be kicked out of your house and perhaps they would be right in reasoning that way. But your husband has to bear the weight of the blame because he has given her the impression that she is special to him and you are not. That is why he offers her money and spends time with her and risking his marriage he went into her room and made love to her while you are in the house. Your husband is without excuse. From what you have said this woman is a good helper. She has acted as a fool but so has your husband. I don't believe that she meant to take your husband away.

He has offered more money to her and she foolishly agreed to have sex with him to get that little extra money. What a silly woman. I mentioned that I am glad that you did not fire this woman. It is not easy to find women who are trustworthy to work in your house. So many of them steal but it might be a real challenge for you to keep this woman knowing that your husband was having an affair with her. However, it is unlikely that she would continue having an affair with him now that she is aware that you know what is happening. She knows that your eyes are going to be wide open but at the same time you can't see everything. Let her have another chance and if she is foolish enough to continue having a sexual relationship with your husband, you shouldn't have any mercy on her.

Pastor