My stepmother hates me

Dear Pastor,

I am 19. I am an ambitious, hardworking and motivated girl with a high self-esteem. I live with my stepmother, sister, stepbrother and father.

During the years of primary school, everything was okay with my stepmom.

I did everything she asked of me. I even feared her. I was very unhappy because somewhere inside I could feel I wasn't loved by her. She used to say mean things to me, but I never truly understood at that time.

When I passed for high school, I was very happy, but they didn't even say congratulations. At my graduation, no one took any pictures of me and I felt hurt by that, but that was only the beginning. I wasn't a bright girl, but I had high hopes and was doing fairly well.

One day I overheard my stepmom telling her friend that I wasn't going to come out to anything as I was a dunce. From that moment, things changed for me. I began to put my all into school-work and my average began to grow.

I had a lot of male friends, but for my stepmom they were boyfriends. I got so many beating from my dad because of her. He even started hating me because I was talking to boys, but my main reason for talking to boys was for the comfort. Girls will talk your entire secret when there is an argument. A boy, on the other hand, doesn't.

I worked hard in school and my grades never dropped. I was told by my stepmom, at the age of 14, that I was having sexual intercourse and I would get pregnant, but I wasn't. It was hurting and I even thought of doing it since I was already getting the blame.

At the age of 15 I started a relationship with a guy from another community. He was 16. During the relationship, we would talk about each other's goals, hard times and family. I used to tell him everything. He was always there for me. He was like a brother during my trying times.

graduation

We were together for nine months before we kissed. That was the only thing we did before my dad found out about us and I ended the relationship. We decided to remain friends and he would always encourage me to do my best in school. I started loving him as time went by, but things had to remain the way they were.

I kept my pride, encouraged myself and, with the help of God, I completed high school with six CSEC subjects including math and English. At my graduation, I was so proud of myself.

I give God thanks for all he has done for me, and even though the problems with my stepmother are not over, and she tries her best every day to see me down, I just ask the Lord to not allow me to hate her because it's too much to bear. I am better than she is and I know God will never leave me.

For the last few weeks, I feel like giving up. It is so hard living with someone who doesnt have my best interest at heart. I am now seeking a job and hoping one of the places I applied to will call. I am also experienced, as I had employment for two summers.

As for the guy I was friendly with, he is my first love. I held on to my virginity until one month before my 18th birthday. I am in control of my sex drive, not the other way around.

Pastor, please keep me in your prayers.

Humble

Dear Humble,

You have done very well. Sometimes parents accuse their children of things they are not doing. That was true of your stepmother. Your father evidently believed what she was saying and went about disciplining you. He meant well but should have listened to your side of the story. He didn't believe his wife would lie on you.

I want you to forgive your father and stepmother. You have the right spirit. You have put your all into studies. It seems to me you have a good boyfriend. I hope you do not get carried away, have unprotected sex and bring a child into this world. Will try your very best to go to university. In the meantime, if anyone is willing to offer you a job, I will contact you.

Pastor