In love with a man more than twice my age

Dear Pastor,

I am 22 and I have a boyfriend who is 57. People in and out of my family say I am with him because of his money. I know that is partly true because he gives me everything that I want. He was married but his wife died, and he doesn't have any children. I wasn't living far from him.

One day he asked me if I would come and clean his house and wash for him, and I told him yes because I wasn't working. Then he asked me if I can cook and I told him yes. I learned to cook from I was 13. I cooked curried goat for him the first time and he loved it. When I was leaving, he paid me and told me to come back on the Monday. That was on the Friday evening when I was leaving. I asked him what about his Sunday dinner. He said he will manage. When I saw my boyfriend, I told him that I went to this man and what happened.

My boyfriend told me not to go back and I told him I would go back because the man is a nice man and it's work I was doing. I told my mother that my boyfriend doesn't want me to go back and she said she didn't care. The Sunday night, I called the man and asked him what he ate and he told me. I went back to see him on the Monday. He told me he was thinking about hiring me as a day's worker for two or three days so I can clean, wash, iron and cook enough for him to eat and have leftovers to put in the refrigerator. I did that for three months and he paid me.

argument

He also told me I could eat some of what I cook for him. Sometimes I would be at the house all day with not much to do. He was always going out. My boyfriend and I had a bigger argument over this man so I left him and I told the man that people are saying that we were together. He told me it is not so but he has been thinking about it; however, I am too young for him. It was at that time I got to know his real age. It is true, pastor, age is just a number because now that we are friends I could see that I was wasting my time with my boyfriend. All he was doing was cursing; and he made me feel cheap.

Now this man and I are getting along well. My mother understands, but some people say he is too old. He helped me to open an account. Please don't condemn me. I love him very much. Is he too old for me? I don't have any children. When we have sex he doesn't use the condom. I don't know if he can get me pregnant but I would love to have a child.

T.F.

Dear T.F.,

This man did not have children with his wife. If he would like to marry you and you would want to have children, both of you should check that out with a medical doctor. A 57-year-old man can impregnate a woman. Now, whether he can do so or not is a different matter. Age is much more than a number, but I am not prepared to condemn any man who is having or wants to have a relationship with a much younger woman. Neither would I condemn any woman who is having a relationship with a much younger man. There are advantages and disadvantages.

Every couple should seek professional advice before they make that commitment. Your ex-boyfriend became jealous right away when you got to know this man. He believed that the relationship would have developed beyond just working for the man and time has proven him to be correct. Don't allow anyone to upset you or to condemn you. Don't take them on. You have your own life to live, but make sure that you are not using this man for what you can get. Make sure that the love you have for each other is genuine.

Pastor