Is my man having an affair with my friend?

Dear Pastor,

I have been living with a man for the past five years. He is a good family man. Pastor, he has some bad ways, but he is very loving. In the month of May, I went on vacation for two weeks and he took a woman in my bed. She used one of my towels and that is how I found out. This man would not use towels that I have for decoration. He tried to wash the towel, but it was not the same. I was not satisfied with his answer, so I pressed him and decided to do my own investigation.

The guard for my neighbour told me that he saw a woman coming and going and she drives a certain car, and he described the car to me. It was hard for me to believe that she was involved with my man because she is one of my best friends. I told him a lie. I told him I dreamt that this lady came to my house and she slept over and my dreams are always true. To my surprise, he said the woman came to the house but they were only playing games and she did not sleep over. I attempted to call her and he pulled the phone from me. This man would not allow a woman come to the house while I am not there and not have sex with her.

I believe I should still ask her why she had sex with my man. He said that would be an embarrassment to him and that if I do, we will to have to separate because she has her man and they are friends. Kindly tell me what to do. He knows that I don't joke. I would tear this woman into pieces.

K.W.

Dear K.W.,

I would not suggest that you question this woman. This man has somewhat given away himself. The way he answered you suggest that something went on. He did not deny that the woman spent time at his house with him. What he denied is that he went to bed with her. My question is, why are you digging so hard? How is it going to help this relationship? If your man had an affair and he denies it, do you think that it is wise for you to ask the neighbours who visited his house?

If a woman is having an affair, she does not have to necessarily invite the man to come to her house, (though some have foolishly done so). And if a woman visits a man's house, she might have good reasons for doing so, but he doesn't have to have sex with her. So, the guard who told you that a woman was visiting your house and described the car that she drove is a troublemaker. And you are not helping your relationship by lying about dreaming that such and such visited your house.

I want you to understand that I am not here defending your man in any way. I am just trying to show you, however, that there are some things that you should leave alone. Because you have been pushing so much to get a confession from this man, he has threatened that if you take it any further he is going to leave you. You don't want that to happen, I am sure. neither do you want to create problems for this woman and the man with whom she has a romantic relationship.

Pastor