I am not in love with my husband!

Dear Pastor,

I have been reading your comments in THE STAR every week. I have learnt a lot.

Probably I would not have married my husband if I was paying attention to what you wrote.

I got married when I was 21 years old. I did not love my husband, but I respected him. He is 10 years older than I am. He was married, but his wife died.

We were going to the same church. When he told me that he loved me, I told him I didn't love him. He said that I would grow to love him.

He went and told my father that he loves me. My mother told me that I should not go out with him because I am a bright girl and he is dark, and I should look for an educated man. My father said that he might not be educated, but he will take care of me.

Well, it's been two years now since we have been married and I feel the same way about him, and he knows it. He goes the extra mile to make me feel comfortable.

I don't have to cook every day. Sometimes he cooks and if we don't feel like cooking, we buy food. He wants me to have a child, but I do not want to be burdened down by a child.

My aim is to leave Jamaica, and if I leave, I am not coming back to live with him. Pastor, I would love for this man and my parents to read this letter. I want to have a reason for leaving him.

I told him a couple times that I would cheat on him just to see how it feels, but I said that to see his reaction. I would not cheat on him. I could do it because lots of guys love me, but I would not disrespect my husband in that way.

I want to leave because I am not happy. I don't have the problems many girls are having when their husbands come in late. My husband comes in early. I know he is trying hard to get me pregnant, but I am too smart to let that happen.

I can't allow him to get me pregnant. I am not in a hurry for that, and how could I get pregnant for a man that I don't love? Please answer my letter.

L.F.

Dear L.F.,

It is so unfortunate that you do not love your husband. When both of you became friends, you told him that you did not love him.

Your father was aware of that, but he meant well and he told you that you may grow to love him. It is not unusual for couples who did not like each other to grow to love each other.

It is a mighty big risk for a man to marry a woman who doesn't love him. Such a relationship often ends in a divorce.

It is love that binds two people together. It is not the only ingredient, but it is surely the number one ingredient. I am sure that when you agreed to marry him, you believed that it was possible to grow to love him, but two years have passed and nothing is happening.

I wish I could tell you that you would indeed grow to love him. What I see in this relationship is that you appreciate your husband. You know that he is a good man.

A good man treats his wife well and takes care of his home and loves his wife, but if his wife does not love him, the most important link is not there. It was never there.

Both of you have just done something that is legal, but what is marriage without love? I am glad that you have not cheated on your husband.

I am wondering whether you would do so when you meet someone you really love. I know that it is tough for me to suggest that you give this relationship some more time, and while you are doing so, think of the many couples who thought that they were in love and got married and have children, but soon discover that they were not compatible and they got divorced.

I am not prepared to tell you to leave your husband. I do believe that you should give the relationship more time.

You could never know what could happen. I would not tell you to leave your husband. On what grounds would you leave anyway?

This is a decision that you must make on your own. Discuss the matter with your father and tell him how you feel.

Pastor