Marriage has never been better after 35 years

Dear Pastor,

I am 70 years old and I have been married for 35 years to one woman.

I speak from my heart that our relationship has got sweeter over the years. We have had our ups and downs, but these have been good years. I have only misbehaved twice during our marriage and that was because my wife went abroad, and I was so lonely.

I called one of my old girlfriends and she was very happy to hear from me. She came over and slept with me. She knew my wife. She did not have a boyfriend. It happened another time and this girlfriend made me feel happy. We didn't go anywhere. I could not allow myself to be seen with this woman because I am well known and somebody would have told my wife. Plus, this girl was much younger. We fooled around with the understanding that we were only having a good time, but that it would not last. At that time, this girl was working with a well-known politician. She told me that that politician asked her for sex many times and had promised to see to it that she would get a house. She never had sex with him and he never kept his word. Since he is no longer in politics, she has been able to get a home on her own.

The thing that bothered me, Pastor, is that when my wife came back, she kept telling me that the house had a different smell, as if I had a woman there. She said it several times, and the more I lied was the more I got better at it. I promised that I would never have another woman in the matrimonial bedroom, because that is where she said somebody was with me. I don't know how she knew that because I changed the linens, including the pillowcases, and the helper washed everything.

My wife has gone back to America to visit her relatives, but I have not taken any more risks. My wife and I walk together, we eat together, and we do everything together. She is 65. We still make love twice per week. Even if I fall asleep, my wife wakes me up and says I have not done my duty. We eat healthily; much healthier than when we were younger. My doctor told me that contributes to our healthy sex life. We have two children and they, too, are health-conscious and send us supplements and insist that we take them. Whenever our children talk to us about supplements or send them to us, we ask our doctors if these things are safe for us. My wife is in perfect heath, but I suffer from arthritis.

My wife tells me that I must learn to behave when we are making love; I told her I cannot behave when she will not allow me. I have a friend who is planning to divorce his wife. When I asked him why, he said she is all washed up. This man and his wife have worked together, but he has got involved with his young secretary and she is giving him more satisfaction than his wife. I wonder if you can tell me something that will help me to encourage this man to stay with his wife.

Pastor, thank you for the many years you have been writing your column and helping people around the world.

D.F.

Dear D.F.,

Why should a man who has been married for many years be enticed by a younger woman and divorce his wife so that he can marry her?

I am not saying that a married couple will not have their disagreements. There is no perfect marriage, none whatsoever. In Jamaica, we say all the time, 'teeth and tongue must meet'. I remember one time a man bragged to me that he and his wife were married for 25 years and he said they never had an argument. I said to myself, "What a boring life that must have been." As I see it, you don't have to argue, but you don't have to agree to everything your woman says, and she doesn't have to agree to everything you say.

I congratulate you for having a good marriage. You did not behave yourself 100 per cent, but you have loved your wife. You said you cheated twice. You tried to cover your tracks, but your wife suspected that you cheated. What you are saying is what many older happy couples have said. As they have grown older, lovemaking and sex become sweeter and more enjoyable. A man doesn't have to prove himself after he has been married for a number of years, but he and his wife should never cease to try to satisfy each other. The older they get, they do not like to be apart from each other for long.

I don't know why your friend is eager to divorce his wife. He should be careful that his secretary does not eat him dry and cause him to go crazy when she is finished with him.

Pastor