My boyfriend and I are too jealous

Dear Pastor,

I am 23 years old and my boyfriend is 24. He is always accusing me of having different men with him, but I am innocent.

He is a security officer. At times when he is not on duty, he gives me the impression that he is at work. When I call his workplace, they will tell me that he is not assigned to any location. One day when he came home and I asked him where he was coming from, he said work. We got into an argument and he told me some terrible things about myself. He used some curse words and I told him some, too. In my anger, I destroyed some items that we had. I called one of my brothers who does not live far away. When he came, he tried to get me to leave the house for the night and stay with him and his girlfriend. Finally, I left. I stayed away for two days, then my brother took me back to the house and tried to talk to the both of us.

I am prepared to leave this man. I cannot take his foolishness. Sometimes when he ill-treats me, he wants us to cover it up by just having sex. I know I am young and I am jealous. He has caused me to do many crazy things, and he does not admit when he is wrong. If I plan to go out, he says that I am going to look for a man. I got a job and I had to leave the job because of him.

Please tell me what to do before I do something very bad to him.

E.D.

Dear E.D.,

This man is a liar and you are a very jealous woman, but it is evident that he is also jealous.

He does not want you to go anywhere or to be out of his sight. He's not only jealous, he is silly. Silly men don't want to know that their women need to go out occasionally with their friends or relatives. Women don't always want to go out with men, and intelligent men should leave their women to do what they want. Women need space at times, and that is also true about men. Men need time to be with the 'boys'.

A woman called me on the Dear Pastor Show and when I told her that she should allow her man to go out at times with the boys, she thought I was crazy. She wanted to know why he had to go out without her. I tried to explain why that is necessary, but I couldn't reach the woman at all.

I would like to say to all men, if a woman wants to cheat, she will cheat; you cannot watch her 24/7. If a man wants to cheat, he will cheat. A woman can't watch a man 24/7. There are things men don't want to talk in the presence of their women, and there are things women don't want to talk while their men are around. It's called 'girl talk'. Common sense should tell your boyfriend that what he is carrying on is foolishness and if he is not working on a particular day, he should not lie by saying that he is going to work. You must learn to control your anger. Your man and you should not be fighting and destroying property. Both of you are silly.

I was counselling a couple, and the woman was giggling and telling me that there are times when she felt very horny and her husband is unable to cope. He tries to get away from her by running from her around the house. They too have destroyed furniture, because she wanted sex and she would not stop until he surrendered himself to her and satisfied her sexually. These people have three children. Some women can be horny, indeed.

I am appealing to you and your boyfriend to make an appointment to see a family counsellor before both of you destroy yourselves. Both of you have too much time on your hands; volunteer part of your time to help the needy, and start attending church. You need God in your life.

Pastor