Don’t want to migrate and leave my boyfriend

Dear Pastor,

This is the first time I am writing to you. I have a problem and I need your help. I am 18 years old and I am the only child for my mother. My parents are born Jamaicans, but they are packing up to leave the island; only our house is not yet sold.

I have been pretending that I am happy to go, but I do not want to leave. All my friends are here in Jamaica. I wanted to go to university here, but my parents told me that it would be easier for them if I go to university in the US.

I have a boyfriend and I love him so much. I don't want to go away and leave him in Jamaica. He is so cute. I don't want any girl to get my man. He is my first and only man. He is 26 years old. He has taught me everything about sex.

Even when my parents are home, he can come into the house and have sex with me and they don't know. When I told him that I do not want to leave him, he told me that he will be faithful to me and as soon as I can come back to Jamaica, we can get married.

That will take too long, Pastor, because I will have to get a job and be on my own. I do not believe that my boyfriend will stay away from any woman for so long.

He is working, so it would not be difficult for him to find another girl. Sometimes I try to reason with my father. I can talk to him much better than my mother. I know my father loves me. I can feel his love, but I do not feel love from my mother.

She doesn't abuse me in any way. But she believes that whatever she says is law. She is much younger than my father, and she is the second wife he has had. He divorced his first wife and married my mother when she was pregnant with me.

So, I have brothers and sisters who are much older than I am. My boyfriend is my big problem, because I don't want to go away and leave him.

R.A.

Dear R.A.,

I want to encourage you to look at the US as a place where you would be able to go and live with your parents. It is a land of opportunity.

Living with your parents there, you should not find it very difficult to work and study, and not find it very difficult to get ahead.

I could understand why you are hesitant, but as a young woman, you should not put a young man ahead of your future. I am not saying that you shouldn't be concerned about him, but he is only your boyfriend.

You do not know what the future holds for the both of you. You do not know whether this man will ever marry you.

You may leave and live in the US for a while and your love relationship with this young man may continue. You can never be sure whether he will be faithful or unfaithful to you.

So, please do not rebel against your parents because of this young man. As soon as you get to the US, try and get into college. Leave everything in God's hands. You cannot lose on a good education, but you can lose on a man. I wish you well.

Pastor