Friend’s boyfriend is trying to sleep with me

Dear Pastor,

I am 18 years old and I need your advice. A group of us attend the same university and we go out together, and even study together.

One of the girls, who is my very close friend, has a boyfriend and they have been friends for two years; she is 19. This guy likes me and has told me so many times. He has even invited me out. His parents are wealthy people. He wanted me to meet them, but I told him no, I do not want to meet with them, and I know that he has a girlfriend. He is not Jamaican, but he has been living here because his parents are business people. He says where his parents come from, a man can have more than one wife. His father told him that he should not just settle with one woman because he had many girlfriends when he was a young man, until he settled down with this guy's mother.

I told him I could not have him, while considering myself a very close friend of this girl. I am a virgin. He said that my girlfriend was a virgin, too, and he had sex with her; so she is no longer a virgin. I was very surprised, so I asked my friend whether she had given up her virginity and she said it was a long story. This guy took her out and she had sex with him in his father's car. She said that she knows that he is a player, so she does not have confidence in him. I did not have the courage to tell her that he wants to have a relationship with me.

This guy is never broke. My girlfriend needed financial help recently to the tune of $70,000 and the guy gave her $60,000.. She lied and told her father that that was money she saved when she went to America last year. Do you think I should tell my friend the truth? I can't have this girl as my friend and allow this guy to have sex with me and take my virginity.

Every time I go to see her and they are alone, he has his hands in his pocket holding down his penis. If he does not have his hands in his pocket, he puts a bag with books to cover his front. He thinks that I am stupid, but I am not. I don't want the friendship that I have with my friend to break up, and I don't want to cause their relationship to end. That is the reason why I am writing to you.

O.R.

Dear O.R.,

If this young man continues to pressure you to have sex with him or to have an intimate relationship with him, you should tell your friend.

He is not a good guy; he is dirty. Even if his father told him that in the country he's from, men have many girls when they are young, he should not expect you to consent to him. It is true that many men 'run di road' when they are young. They 'play the field'. They behave as if every woman has to go with them. When the girls don't, they call them lesbians and spread dirty rumours about them.

I repeat, the young woman and you are good friends and if this guy continues to insist that you should go to bed with him, report him to your girlfriend. Tell her that you could not grant him the favour of having sex with him, because you consider her a good friend and you know that would not be right.

Pastor