Girlfriend doesn’t like to cook or clean

Dear Pastor,

I am having a problem that is bothering me. I was once married, but now I am divorced. I am in my mid-40s.

While I was married, I was having an affair with a friend of my wife. We kept it secret, but her cell phone exposed us. A girlfriend was staying with her for a weekend, and she opened my side girl's phone and read some of the messages between us and reported me to my wife.

This friend denied that she exposed our relationship, but she did. One day I went home and my wife was angry and she threatened me by saying that anything I could do, she could do it better. Then she said that she heard of my carrying-on; from then, our marriage went downhill. We finally got a divorce. Me and the lady I was having the affair with couldn't hide any more. The house in which we live, my ex-wife moved out of it. My girlfriend does not come here, but I go to her place, especially on weekends.

Two things are bothering me; she does not like to cook. When I go there, I have to cook or order fast food. I can cook, but I don't want to cook all the time. It is costing me a lot of money to order food all the time. The second thing is that she does not do anything for me. I have to employ a day's worker to do my washing and to clean the house. Now that I am divorced, she is eager for us to get married.

My former wife said that I can buy her out; she would sell me her share of the house. But I am not in a position to do so now. I do not want to continue living the way I am. Now that I am legally free, I want to remarry. I have one son, who is living with my mother, and I want to set a good example for him. My ex-wife is not his mother, but she talks to him all the time. She tells him that I am no good and the bad things that I have done to her. She said that she hopes that he will not follow in my footsteps.

In the past, I tried to talk to my ex-wife. I told her that I did not appreciate her telling my son how terrible I was. Instead of us having a rational conversation, she used expletives to me. All she wants now is money from me for the house. She told me that she would see to it that I live on the street.

D.P.

Dear D.P.,

I hope you will not have to live on the street. You have made mistakes and you are very conscious that these mistakes can ruin you.

You say that you do not have money. I know you are willing to give your ex-wife what she is entitled to. You should be prepared to go to a financial institution to borrow whatever the court decides that she should get. You should also insist that this woman who is eager to marry you learn to cook. You are going to find that life will be very difficult for you if you always have to eat in restaurants or order fast food.

I suggest that you stop trying to communicate with your ex-wife. Communicate with her through your attorney. She has no respect for you. Again, I repeat, you have made mistakes, but that does not mean that you will not bounce back, so to speak. By the way, you have someone who works as a day's worker; let her be the person who is in charge of your house and your clothes.

But if this woman that you are having a relationship with now tells you that she will never wash, clean or cook, you should not marry her. Don't be a silly man. Good women take care of their men, and vice versa.

Pastor