Wife doesn’t want us living with relatives

Dear Pastor,

I am 25 and my wife is 28. We have been married for more than one year.

When I met her, she told me that she always dated older men, but I swept her off her feet. The first time I tried to date her, she told me I was too young, but I tried a number of times and then I succeeded. At the time, we were both working for the same company and the company had strict rules about workers having relationships with each other. We kept our love for each other a secret.

One day, without her permission or knowledge, I went to see the boss and I told him that I love so and so, but I knew the rules. He said to me, 'No rule can hinder love', so I should tell her that I spoke to him and she should come to see him. She was very scared to go, so I went with her; but I did not go into the office with her. She spoke to him and he told her what he had told me and that he wished us well, but we should get married as soon as possible.

We had a quiet wedding on a Saturday, and on Monday, at our staff meeting, the boss announced to the workers that we got married. Our co-workers were shocked and they congratulated us. The boss told them that we came to see him and explained everything, but he wanted the workers to know that the rules remained the same.

My wife is now pregnant with our first child. She has become very miserable. Everything upsets her. Since we got married, I moved in to her apartment, but the rent is killing us. We are paying $50,000 for a two-bedroom place. I have an uncle who has a small side of a house vacant. It consists of two bedrooms, a bathroom and a kitchen. He has offered to let us have it for $35,000. My wife doesn't want to go there because she doesn't want us to live with family, whether it's my side or hers.

My uncle is a Christian; he is a preacher. He said all he would want from us is his rent. We would have to pay for our own meter, but contribute every month to water. We only have two more weeks to make up our minds. My wife is stubborn; although she knows that we will be saving money, she does not want to live in my uncle's place. My uncle is also a police officer and he would give us some protection.

Sometimes my wife talks down to me and I told her that I don't like it. She has even said that I must remember that she is older than I am and that she has more experience. I love her and I don't like us arguing, but I want her to see that we would save money by moving to this new place, and we will not be asking my uncle and his wife for anything; the place is self-contained. Where we are living now is semi-furnished. We need to buy a bed and a stove. I have money in my credit union to take care of these things. I am hoping also to buy a washing machine. My father would help me to purchase that.

I am asking you please to call my wife and show her why we should move.

L.A.

Dear L.A.,

You appear to be an intelligent young man and I am glad you have found a woman you love and who loves you.

I do not believe that she wants to control you. I believe that she is trying to tell you that it is not always wise for relatives to live together. I repeat, it is not always wise. Sometimes, however, it is necessary to do so. Some in-laws do not meddle in the affairs of one another. Some mothers-in-law live happily with their daughters-in-law; others don't. I believe that your wife is saying that she is old enough to know that some in-laws don't mind their own business.

It is not necessary for me to call her. You may show her my reply. Before I go, I should commend you for the way you went about informing your boss about your wife and that you took his advice and got married soon after you showed him your situation. I want to wish your wife and you the very best for the future. Please inform me when your wife has given birth. Take good care of each other, young man.

Pastor