Older boyfriend says I should find a new man

Dear Pastor,

About four years ago I lost my father. I was living with him and my stepmother. When I was a baby, my mother gave me to him because she did not know that he was married.

My stepmother did not really like me, but my father always protected me. I was able to attend a traditional high school and I got six passes. A year after I graduated, my father died. My stepmother told me that I was a big girl and I had to fend for myself. I love the tourist industry, so I decided to attend HEART. But before I could start, I became friends with a man. He started to take care of me. This man has been encouraging me to go into nursing, because one day I mentioned that I love nursing. So he told me that he would love to see me become a nurse.

I have four brothers and three sisters. My brothers are living all over Jamaica, but my sisters are living with my mother. I tried to keep in touch with them. Last Christmas, my sisters spent the holiday with us and my boyfriend took them shopping. He used to live in America, but he came back to Jamaica and bought a lovely house. My sisters asked him if they can come and live with us. He told them they can spend weekends with us. I was very upset when they asked him about coming to live with us. My boyfriend told me that he divorced his wife, but he still has a house in America. One of his sons lives in the basement with his wife. Whenever they call him, he allows me to talk to them. He said he is not interested in getting married again, and if he marries me, it would only be to help me.

I would like to go to nursing school. I am embarrassed to tell you that I am involved with this man because of my needs. He takes very good care of me. He cannot do much in bed, but I know what to do to keep him happy. He told me that whenever I get my profession and find a man, he will allow me to go, and he is serious about that. I do not know, Pastor, if I would be able to deal with that. I asked him who would take care of him and he said he would get a caregiver, and his children will take care of him.

Although my mother gave me away, I try to give her money regularly and she calls me now every day. But when my father was alive, she did not call me.

F.M.

Dear F.M.,

Your father was not truthful to your mother; he knew that he was married, but he hid that from her.

But when she gave birth, she gave you to him. Recently, one of my regular callers said that she got pregnant by a married man, but she did not know. Soon after she had the baby, she gave him the child and his wife took good care of the child. To her surprise, the wife asked her if she would have another child by the same man because she was unable to carry children. She told her no.

It is unfortunate that your stepmother did not show you love. But your father loved, cared and provided for you. Now you are having a relationship with a man who is by far your senior, and from what you have said, you are enjoying his wealth. He wants you to become a professional. He is not promising you marriage; in fact, he has already told you that he will not marry you, but he would allow you to marry any man you fall in love with. I believe he has a conscience.

Some years ago, I knew a man who fathered a child with a much younger woman. As he grew older, he realised that the relationship could not work well because of his age. So he told his child's mother that she should seek a young man and whenever she found one, she should introduce him. His child's mother did that and when she brought this man home, her child's father gave him his blessing. He also bought a lovely house for his daughter and her mother.

Before I go, let me say that you did the correct thing by refusing to allow your sisters to live in the same house with this man and you. I hope you will have a very bright future, and that you will become a nurse. I wish you well.

Pastor