Mother beat me when I saw my first period

Dear Pastor,

I am 16 years old and I read your column every chance I get. I am living with my parents.

My mother and I don't get along. When I was younger, she used to beat me, and I ran away. My father came for me and took me home, and warned my mother that if she did that again, he would give her a beating that she would never forget.

When I saw my period for the first time and I messed up the bed, my mother beat me and said I should have called out to her or my older sister. I was not even aware of what was happening to me, because she never told me what to expect. My mother questioned me repeatedly about whether I had sex. I was 13 years old. I feel more comfortable talking to my father about problems. To tell you the truth, I do not like my mother. She says that I am no good and she is expecting to see me get pregnant at anytime.

I do not have a boyfriend; I have many male friends and they respect me and I respect them. I am hoping to be a medical doctor. I have a long way to go. I also want to leave Jamaica because my father is very poor. He has a sister and a brother living in America who have promised to assist me to go to medical school. My aunt in America works at a hospital. She is not a nurse, but she says that I could live with her and attend school. She is in Texas. Her brother visits her every week, so I would not be a stranger to them.

Since my father has become a Christian, he and I have got closer, and he gave me reasons why he has not married my mother. I really hope that I can leave Jamaica and go to university in America.

E.D.

Dear E.D.,

You have a long road in front of you, but you can reach your goals. You are ambitious, and nothing is impossible for you at your age.

I am sorry to hear that your mother is very cruel, to the extent that when you were having your first period she abused you. Your mother should have prepared you for the experience. She behaved as a real fool by beating you. I have had many, many letters from girls who have said that their first period came while they were in school. One girl related to me that it was her male teacher that explained to her what was happening when she was seeing her period for the first time. When your mother asked you whether you had sex, she was trying to say that when girls your age have sex, that can bring their period down; such ignorance. It is regrettable that your mother has not tried to bond with you. She should remember that you will not be a young girl forever.

Your father is a wise man. If his siblings will truly help you to get to America to study there, you should do well. It would not be easy, but you should see it as a great opportunity to move forward. I am sorry you do not love your mother, but I hope the time will come when you will forgive her for the things she has done to you; she did them in ignorance.

You did not say how many passes you have, but I am sure that your uncle and aunt will advise you on what the requirements are to enter university abroad. Do your best and try to excel in whatever you do.

Pastor