Won’t marry my broke boyfriend

Dear Pastor,

I have been reading your column for a long time. I started to read it from I was in high school. My guidance counsellor always referred to your column. She encouraged us to read your comments.

I became sexually active when I turned 16. I got involved with a man who was the friend of my mother. One day while I was in his car, he told me that he has been admiring me. He was also admiring my older sister, but I had bigger boobs. He asked me my age and I told him I would be 16 on a particular date. He became excited and told me I should come to his workplace for my birthday gift. When I went he was in a meeting, but he gave one of the women an envelope to give me, and told her to tell me I should call him. When I opened the envelope there was $16,000. I was surprised. I could not tell my mother or anybody, but I went to the store and bought a few things that I needed. When I took them home, I had to hide them from my mother.

The following week I saw him, and we made plans to go out. He was living with a woman but she was not at home, so he took me there and had sex with me. I was a virgin, so he took care of that. When I was to graduate from high school he paid for everything. My mother did not find out that he and I had something going. My sister suspected, but to keep her quiet, I started to give her some of the money this man was giving me, because her boyfriend was not helping her much.

When this man told me he was going to marry the woman with whom he was living, I cried for days. Whenever I see her, I feel so jealous of her. I have a boyfriend but he cannot walk in this man's shoes, although he takes good care of me. This man has assisted me to go to college, and he remains very kind to me. I would love to get married, but I do not want to be married to my boyfriend, because he is not earning enough to cause me to be faithful to him. I am accustomed getting big money from this man. Don't think I am bad; I am just smart.

G.

Dear G.,

You don't want to hear that you are bad, but when this man saw you and told you how he admired you more than your sister, you kept quiet. You never said anything to your mother or father. When he invited you to his workplace and gave you $16,000, you fail to realise that that gift came with a price, and you were old enough to know what that price was.

He was telling you that nothing would come to you for free. He was not a good man, but to this very day you think that he is a good man. This man can never marry you, but he has done his best in helping you, so you would always be grateful to him.

I would like to suggest that you take your mind off him. Allow his wife to enjoy all the benefits from him. You have a boyfriend, but you do not really love him; try to love him, or leave him for good.

Pastor