Ex-boyfriend wants me back but I’ve moved on

Dear Pastor,

This is the first time I am writing to you, but I met you some years ago in Mandeville.

You were there with Power 106 FM for an outside broadcast. I wanted to talk to you, but there were many people around. At that time I had a boyfriend, but we broke up and I became involved with another man. He was wild and had many girlfriends. From the time I met him, he told me that he cannot deal with one woman, so I told him that I would work with him. Every week I looked forward to something from him. Sometimes I had to go for the money at his office.

The receptionist at his business place knew me well. As soon as she saw me, she used to inform him and he told her what to do. He got a job for me, but he was also assisting me in paying my rent. One day he showed up and I wasn't expecting him because it was the first time he was visiting me during the week. I had a male visitor who was sitting on the sofa in his underpants and merino.

This man knocked on the door and when I realised that it was him, I told the guy to put on his pants. But my boyfriend became annoyed because I was taking too long to open the door. I had to open it after he kept knocking. He asked me who was the guy and I told him he was a friend. He ordered the guy to get out and I told him the guy and I were not doing anything. The guy left and this man punched me in my face and left my eyes black and blue. My face was swollen and I had to go to the doctor.

The following morning he left some money on the dining table for me to go to the doctor. I could not go to work for two weeks. I tried to lie to the doctor, but he told me that he could see that someone punched me in the eye. So I admitted what happened and he told me I should report my boyfriend to the police, but I didn't because I was afraid. I lost my job and my man took care of everything. He helped me to get a visa so I went away. He told me not to return. I fell in love with a man up here in America.

My ex-boyfriend and I kept talking on the phone and he told me everything that was going on in his life. He told me that he has changed and he is in church. He encouraged me to go to church. This man has six children with five different women. He is 52 years old. He said he does not want to marry any of these women. He has proposed to me, but I have moved on. I didn't tell him that I got married in America. It started out as a business marriage, but the man and I eventually fell in love, so when my ex-boyfriend said he wanted me to marry him, I told him that I couldn't because I already had a husband.

This man told me that I am ungrateful and I should not have got married without telling him. I regret not telling him. He still calls me and I try to be nice, but I cannot help him. I told him to try and find a woman who is attending his church. Everything is working out well for me. I am trying to love my husband, but it's hard to forget this man in Jamaica who helped to put me on my feet, although I suffered abuse from him.

B.M.

Dear B.M.,

I believe that you are trying to be civil with this man. He was good to you, but he eventually assisted you to go to America.

He wanted both of you to carry on a long-distance relationship. He was proud of having many women. You found a man in America and although the relationship started out as a business one, you believe that this man loves you and both of you are now married. So regardless of what this man in Jamaica is saying, you should consider him dead.

You cannot force him to marry one of the women with whom he has had a child. You have given him a good advice. He is now attending church, so he should probably marry a sister from the church. I know you do not want to insult this man and he considers you ungrateful, but you should seriously consider changing your number or blocking him. Don't entertain him at all whenever he calls.

Pastor