Too shy to ask out my cute co-worker

Dear Pastor,

I am 19 years old and I am a Christian. I do not know much about dating, as I have only gone out twice with a guy who considers me to be shy.

He tried to date me again, but I turn him down because the first time we dated, he wanted to get too close to me and kiss me. I told him that I did not know him well enough to go that far. He told me that we were adults and I must grow up. So I told him to take me home. On our way home, he apologised for his behaviour.

There is a young man at the place I work. He is handsome and charming. I have been admiring him but he doesn't know. I have never discussed him with anybody. He is always neatly dressed. He calls me by my last name. I am wondering whether it would be wrong to ask this guy to go on a lunch date with me or whether I should ask another girl to join us, so that it does not appear as if I am interested in him. I find this guy attractive, but I would not want to approach him and then he turns me down. I would be embarrassed by that type of response.

Sometimes I find myself gazing at this young man. He is about 23 years old. I was told that he goes to a certain gym and I have been thinking that to get close to him, I should enrol in that gym, too. Would he be surprised to see me at the gym? I don't know if this guy has a girlfriend, but if he does, she is not working with our company. I am the only child for my parents, and recently my father asked me whether I have seen any young man who I like. I told him about this guy, but pointed out that we have never talked about anything outside of business. My father reminded me that if anybody is interested in me, I should try to maintain a high standard.

What should I do? Should I just invite this guy to go with me for lunch alone, or should I include one of the female co-workers? I would pay for the lunch. Please give me your opinion.

J.E.

Dear J.E.,

Do not do anything that would give the impression to this young man that you are throwing yourself at him.

But at the same time, you can be very friendly to this man. You shouldn't giggle, but you can smile a lot when you are talking to him, and look straight into his eyes. Whenever the opportunity arises, you should tell him that you know of a very good place to have lunch and that you have gone there, and that you would like to take him there for lunch.

I would not suggest that you ask another employee to go with you, because that would defeat the purpose that you have in mind; having someone else with you would hinder you from speaking freely to this young man. If you are given the opportunity to take this man for lunch, don't try to find out too much about his background. You may ask about his parents and the school he attended. Even by asking whether he has a girlfriend is going too far. However, ask him about his future plans. If he has a girlfriend, he will mention her.

That one luncheon date will cost you a lot, but it is only lunch. Get back to work on time, and before you leave the restaurant, suggest that you can meet again another time, but perhaps at dinner time. If he agrees, that would be an indication that he likes your company.

Pastor