Girlfriend giving me bun in my own place

Dear Pastor,

I am living with my girlfriend; she is 21 years old and I am 23. She is a pathological liar.

I have caught her lying many times and she can look me straight in my eyes and try to convince me that she is not guilty of what I am accusing her of. Because of my job, there are times when I go home late at nights and sometimes she has another man at the house who leaves before I get home.

There is an apartment building close to the property where we live. One of the security guards told me that there is a man who is always visiting my woman when I am not there. I asked my girlfriend if anybody comes to the house when I am not at home and she told me no. I did not argue. I gave the security guard $7,000 to 'give an eye' for me.

One night, I was in a bus coming home and the security guard called me and told me that the man was there. But, by the time I got there, he left. When I went into the house, I lifted up her skirt and she was not wearing her underwear. I went into the bathroom and I could see that she recently had a shower. I asked her again who was at the house and she said no one but herself. I was angry but I restrained myself. She asked me if I wanted to eat and I told her no. She wanted to know why I was so angry and I told her that I had a bad day at work; but I was lying.

A few days later, I told her that I wanted to have a break from the relationship. She started to cry and told me that she was not always truthful. She mentioned the number of times she had sex with a couple of other men because she wanted to take the financial pressure off me. That made it worse because I have never refused to give this girl any amount of money she needed, even if I had to tell her to give me a few days before I was able to do so. I cannot trust her because she has not been truthful.

We do not use protection because I have been trying to get her pregnant and she has been exposing me to STIs. I used to live with another woman and she, too, was having an affair with another man, so I left her. I caught that woman in the very act. She was a much older woman than me. My present girlfriend is very attractive, but she likes the 'bling bling'. If she had gone out and had sex with another man, I would feel hurt. But she is allowing men to have sex where we live and on my own bed. I cannot deal with that. She told me she will never do it again, but, how can I be sure that it will never happen?

S.T.

Dear S.T.,

You cannot be sure that your girlfriend will never go with another man.

In fact, no man can be absolutely sure that his woman will remain true and loyal to him. I have heard women defending each other by saying that they go out with other men because they were in financial distress. You said (and I believe you) that you try your best to support this woman. Her confession is not coming from her heart. She is only admitting that she had sex with other men because she has been caught.

It is totally up to you whether you want to continue the relationship with her. Both of you may make an appointment to see a family counsellor. But, I repeat, there is no guarantee that she will change her wicked ways.

Pastor