Didn’t know that I had another child

Dear Pastor,

I am a 40-year-old man and I have decided to write you because I am faced with a problem.

I have never been married, but I have had girlfriends. I have three children. Recently, a 14-year-old boy came to see me. He told me that growing up, he was told that the man he thought was his father is not, and his mother told him that she did not know where to find his real father. She told him his father's name on his birthday and he has been trying to find me. I asked him for his mother's name and he told me. The young man is going to high school and is doing well.

I recognised his mother's name. I know that this woman and I spent some time together while I was working on a building. It was a one-night stand. His mother had her man, but she was visiting a friend in the neighbourhood that I was working in and we got involved. I did not know that she got pregnant. She never told me. I called her after getting the number from the young man and she told me that when she got pregnant, she thought it was for her boyfriend. He never questioned the pregnancy, but his relatives always said that the young man didn't look like him at all. His brothers and sisters called him a 'jacket'. So the boy wanted to know his real father.

I took him to meet my mother. She told me that he walks like me and I should not reject him. She told him to take off his shoes and she looked at his legs, then told me that he is my child. I have been supporting him, and I have assured him that I did not reject him because I didn't know him; his mother never told me that she got pregnant. Every month I send him money. I do not send the money to his mother; I send it directly to him. I told my children that they have a brother and they are eager to meet him. I also told him that when he turns 18, we can consider changing his name. His mother agreed to that. But she is concerned that her man will say that she deceived him when she came to Kingston and got involved with me.

I am asking you to tell me what I should do.

O.W.

Dear O.W.,

I am glad your son has found you. I am also happy to know that although his mother lied to the other gentleman and gave him the impression that he impregnated her, this man supported your son as his very own.

It is true that he did not know that he was not the biological father, but your son owes him for what he has done for him. He gave him food and shelter and he supported him in school. It is only in recent times that this man's children have made life difficult for your son. So please advise your son to continue to be respectful to this man, who has always believed that he is his biological father.

You know you can do a DNA test to ascertain whether you are the biological father of this young man. In your heart, you know there is no doubt that the boy is yours. So you do not have to be in a hurry to do such a test. I am glad that you are supporting him. It would be a wonderful get-together when he meets your other children.

Concerning the changing of name; that is not something to do in a hurry. I would say to you that as long as this young man remains in his mother's house, do not change his name to yours. It may create some problems with his mother and his stepfather. After he has started working and is living on his own, that process can begin.

I am glad to hear from you, my friend. Write again.

Pastor