I was molested by older girls

Dear Pastor,

I am writing to tell you a deep, dark secret. I was molested by a lesbian. I was 10 years old at the time.

My granny was renting a room from her church sister in a tenement yard. The church sister had a granddaughter, too; she was 13 or 14 years old. She didn't go to church with us. I played with her all the time and our favourite game was 'ABC fast or slow'.

One night, she told me to lie down on the bed. She climbed on top of me and started to gyrate on me. I was confused. I did not know about sex, boys or molestation. My granny never talked about it; she only told me not to let a man touch me down there. One night the girl and I were playing and her older cousin, who was a female, came in the room and said that we were going to play a game called 'mama and papa'. I was going to be the child. She then locked the door and turned the lights off. She climbed on top of my friend and started to kiss her. I was shocked. They began to rub their vaginas together and moaned. I asked what they were doing and why they were making that sound; she told me to shut up.

I never knew that they were having sex and that they were lesbians. After that night, she still gyrated on me. I didn't understand, maybe because I was still in my clothes. I started to grow hair on my private parts. I told my granny about it but because she is a Christian, she didn't talk to me about it. So I showed my friend as a joke. She looked at my vagina, smiled, and said I was becoming a woman; I laughed. One night she called me to her room and she asked to see the hair I showed her. Growing hair was funny to me.

One night I can remember very well that I had on jeans, and she was rubbing her private parts on the button. Her private area was hairy and did not smell right. After that night, I went to her room to show her my new doll. She told me to go on the bed. She spread my legs and took my panties off and tried to rub her private parts on mine. I told her no. I got up quickly and told her that no one should touch my private area. She said, "OK then, I will only grind on you." I told her I didn't want to because her private parts was smelly. I never went back to her room after that. We only played outside during the day, but I still saw her older cousin going in after dark.

I am older now and still ask myself, how come I never knew I was being molested and that they were lesbians? I am happy my granny moved away, or else that girl would have groomed me into becoming a lesbian. How do I get over not knowing this at 10 years old?

K.B.

Dear K.B.,

You have not stated how old you are now. But you are saying that as a child, living with your grandmother, there were older girls who were in the same yard and they were lesbians.

They tried to get you involved in sexual practices, but you did not comply. At first you did not understand what was going on, but you knew that what they were doing was not right. If you had told your grandmother what they were doing to you and asking you to do, your grandmother probably would have spoken to them; and she probably would have told you that these girls were lesbians. I am happy, however, that your grandmother moved from the area and took you with her.

Looking back, you should give God thanks that you didn't get deeply involved with these girls. Do not blame yourself. Your grandmother did not inform you that there are girls who molest other girls. But boys molest boys, too. I hope that if you have children you may tell them what to expect. I want to wish you well and to ask you to put your life in God's hands; he will take care of you.

Pastor