Tricked by a tourist

Dear Pastor,

I am having a problem and I hope you can help me. I am 29 years old. I will be 30 years old in two months. I still live at my parents' home. My mother is not well, but my father is in good health.

I used to work at a certain hotel and one of the guests, who is an America, saw me and fell in love with me. That is what he told me. I ignored him because, as a worker, I shouldn't get involved sexually with any guest. However, every day this man told me how much he loved me. One of the girls at the hotel told me I was a fool to have this man interested in me and not take him on. I told him that I liked him too, but maybe we can be friends and correspond.

He went away, and soon after he got to the United States of America (USA) he called me and we got to know each other better. I asked him if he didn't have a woman in the USA and he said he had a girlfriend there, but they broke up and he would love to have a woman from Jamaica.

Three months after his visit, he called me and told me that he was coming back to Jamaica just to see me. He admitted that he was married, but was now divorced. I spoke to a marriage officer and he told me what this man must bring with him if he wanted to marry me. I told him and he brought everything with him, and insisted that he would not go back without me. He said that as soon as we got married, he would go to the embassy. I knew it could not work that way, but I told him it will be alright with me.

Things were going a little too fast for me, but at my age I decided to take the risk. I do not have children. I had a miscarriage a couple years ago, but that was it.

I told this man that I had someone who I was seeing, but if he was serious about me I could break up the relationship. I told the man I was with that we had to end our relationship and he said that I am very ungrateful; but if that is what I want he would not stand in my way. This man came to Jamaica and did not stay in the hotel that I worked. He rented a car and I took leave from work. He was in Jamaica for a week and I spent most of the time with him. He allowed me to talk to two members of his family -- his sister and a brother. I questioned them about him and they said he is a nice man.

This man and I had sex for the whole week while he was in Jamaica. He did not get the licence to marry me because he was told that they needed more documents before we could be granted a licence, so he took back the papers that he had.

However, after he left, the telephone that he had suddenly doesn't work any more. I called him several times on that number and he doesn't answer. He does not call me any more, so I know that he is a scammer. He had his way with me and I blame myself. I did not know I would allow myself to be tricked by a man.

I am back with my old boyfriend. When I realised that this man tricked me, I called him and told him that I missed him so much; he was excited. This American man could have got me pregnant because we did not always use protection. I look back and the only thing I got from this man is US$350 (approximately J$54,500); and, of course, he paid for us to stay at the cottage he rented.

I have had to be so nice to my boyfriend. I don't think he believes half of what I told him, but he says that he is happy that we are back together. A few days ago I decided to try the number that the American gave me and a woman answered. When I asked for him, she said nobody is living there with that name. She asked me to describe the person, but I did not. Instead, I terminated the call.

Looking back now, I doubt he gave me his correct name. I asked the receptionist at the hotel I work, and where he stayed, if she has a record of him and she said she cannot give any information on a guest. He took pictures of me in my nude when we were in bed, but I do not have a single picture of him. I hope that he would not publish these pictures of me and make money.

What do you think I can do about this man? I am hoping to hear from you.

F.S.

Dear F.S.,

Let me help you not to go crazy. You were fooled by a wicked man who came to Jamaica as a tourist. If you have been reading my column over the years, you probably would have seen that I have talked about men who came to Jamaica and have got involved with Jamaican women. They don't have much, but they used their credit cards and rent cars and treat Jamaican women. Sometimes it is just for a weekend or a week. They have their way with these women and after they leave Jamaica, that's it. The women don't hear from them any more.

I know a young woman who got married to a man. He was a much older man, and he promised her that he would take her to America. He came back to Jamaica many times after they got married, but no paperwork was done. He never filed for her and she did not get much financial help from him. He used her and used her until he had enough, and the relationship ended.

In fact, similar to your experience, the number he gave her went unanswered after a while. I felt sorry for that young woman. She had two or three children and she was hoping to go abroad to work and to send for them so that they may have a better life.

You are fortunate that this man did not get you pregnant. You are also fortunate to have your old boyfriend back with you. Evidently, he really loves you. I hope that you would not allow yourself to be used by another so-called guest, whether he is visiting your hotel or he is from North America or Europe. You were hoping that this man would assist you, but he failed you. Be alert, and don't be fooled any more by any man.

Pastor