Fiancé wants me to do an AIDS test

July 08, 2024
This man is ready to make a full commitment to you, so stop arguing and do the test.
This man is ready to make a full commitment to you, so stop arguing and do the test.

Dear Pastor,

I am 21 and I am still in university, but I will finish school in another year. I hope to further my studies in America because that is where my fiance lives.

He wants to marry me and put in the papers for me to get a permanent visa. He is 23, and he is a Christian like me. Recently, he asked me if I had ever done an AIDS test and I told him no. He said he would like me to do one. I asked him why and he said he wants to be assured that I am a clean woman. He reminded me that I told him that I am not a virgin, and if I was not, anything could have been passed on to me from the man with whom I had sex.

I told him that he was insulting me by saying that, because I have never had unprotected sex. I asked him why he is saying these things since we are already engaged.

My mother told me to ask him to do an AIDS test and he did not object, so he is asking me to do one, too.

My mother is a registered nurse and she said anybody who has had sex, even if it was with one partner, it would be wise to do an AIDS test because one should not trust anyone when it comes to sex.

I love this man, but asking me to do an AIDS test annoys me. The couple of guys with whom I had sex are straight, and apart from having the real sexual intercourse and kissing, we did not do anything that was outside the ordinary.

I told my mother that my fiance is insisting that I do an AIDS test also, and she said that she agrees with him. She said that if I know I am healthy and not fooling around, I should not object to that.

I told her that I feel he doesn't trust me. She said it has nothing to do with trust, it has more to do with common sense. It is the first time my mother has been so open and frank with me in talking about sex, but she told me that now that I am planning to get married, she has to talk to me woman to woman.

She reminded me that one can get AIDS not only through vaginal sex, but by other means, even through masturbation if both people use their hands on their private parts. No type of sex should be considered to be absolutely safe.

I cannot lie to my fiance. He does not know how many guys I have fooled around with and if he asked, I would not divulge that information. He is a strict type of Christian. But I know he is not perfect, because the last time he was in Jamaica and I went to the home he was staying, we misbehaved, but we used a condom. So if I have AIDS, how can he prove that I did not get it from him? I know that nothing is wrong with me, but I must tell you that I am reluctant to do the test.

T.C.

Dear T.C.,

I believe that you should go and do the test and put this matter to rest. Your mother told you to ask him to do an AIDS test and he agreed.

He has the right to ask you to do one, too. Why fight that? Put away the pride and do the test. It would be better to know what's going on and for him to feel confident about you. It is not a matter of whether this man trusts you. One can trust a person but may not have full assurance that it is safe to enter into a permanent relationship with that person.

This man is ready to make a full commitment to you, so stop arguing and do the test.

Pastor

Other Tell Me Pastor Stories