Don’t trust this boy who says he loves me

Dear Pastor,

I am a 16-year-old girl and I was introduced to sex by my brother's girlfriend. She and I are very good friends. Sometimes she pretends that she is at my house to see me, but it's because of my brother why she comes here. My brother is a police officer and he knows when she is here. My brother has his own room. He and I get along very well. My mother does higglering. She has no special time to come home. My mother's boyfriend is a taxi man. Whenever he brings her home, he does not go back out. He does not like to work late at nights. When my mother comes home, she depends on me to count her money. So I count it out on the table and give it back to her. We live in a three-bedroom house. It belongs to my grandparents.

This taxi man has asked my mother to marry him, but she is not interested. My brother does not trust him. Sometimes my brother tells his girlfriend that he can't come home, so she spends all night with me and then goes home in the morning. When my brother comes home and she is here with me, he takes her into his room and I can hear them carrying on, because my brother's room is next to mine. A couple of times she told me that my brother discharged in her, but he gave her money to buy the Pill. This girl is only one year older than I am. Does the Pill really work?

I have never had sex. I have someone who loves me, but I know that he is a sweet boy and many girls love him. He is also a football player. I have gone to see him play. After the match, girls flock around him. I told him I didn't like that. He told me that I shouldn't mind that, as they are nothing to him and I am the one he loves.

My brother is always warning me about guys. I told my brother about the guy who loves me, and he told me I should not trust him.

E.S.

Dear E.S.,

I am not a medical doctor. I am always reluctant in commenting on certain topics, but I think it is fair to help you by saying that you should not ignore your brother's advice.

He is in the field of work where he sees how men have treated women unfairly. He does not want anybody to take advantage of you. You are only 16. It is not wrong to have a boyfriend, but you do not have to become sexually active.

Medical practitioners have said that the morning-after Pill is effective, but it should be taken within 72 hours after having unprotected sex. Women have said, however, that they have taken the Pill within the recommended time and still got pregnant. So I do not want to give you the impression that it is a risk that you should have sex without protection and rely on the morning-after Pill.

Your brother's girlfriend should not carelessly have sex with him and believe that by taking the Pill, she will be fully protected from pregnancy. Another form of protection which works similar to the morning-after Pill is the IUD, but that has to be fitted by a medical doctor within five days of having unprotected sex. I think I have given you enough information. You are a young girl; learn to do your own research.

By the way, don't let your friend lead you into anything that you are not ready to do.

Pastor