My man is always texting someone on his phone

Dear Pastor,

I have an issue that is very troubling to me. I live with my boyfriend and I have been noticing his behaviour recently.

Whenever he comes home from work, he says a few words to me, but we don't even have a proper conversation. However, I find it odd that he can be on his phone sending texts. I know that is what he is doing because one can know when someone is texting from when they aren't. Whenever we do talk, he goes back to his phone. Sometimes I hear him watching YouTube, but the majority of the time he is texting.

Don't get me wrong, nothing is wrong with your partner being on the phone; however, it is how often one does that while their partner is around. It feels like he is secretly talking to someone via text. Sometimes when I ask him questions, he gets defensive, so I didn't want to ask him who he was texting. A few days ago, while we were at home, we were on our phones. However, I observed that he had his phone on silent, because I didn't hear any texts coming in like I usually do. But I knew someone sent him a message, because his facial expression changed and he was smiling.

It was like a secretive smile, as if he didn't want it to be noticed. However, the smile came out while he was responding. That has happened more than once. I am wondering if he is interested in someone else or whether I do not have anything to worry about. Is it normal behaviour for a man to constantly be spending time on his phone, even while his partner is present?

N.

Dear N.,

No spouse, especially a woman, likes to be ignored by her man, and that is what this young man is doing.

He is not only ignoring you, but he is being grossly disrespectful. You are not a fool. You know that he is not doing business on his phone at that time of the day. You know he is not texting a male partner; it has to be a woman. What can he be saying to this woman constantly when he is at home and you are there? That has to be a special woman. Why can't you know who he is constantly texting? You deserve more of his time if you are his woman and both of you share a bed together.

It is natural for you to think that something is wrong, but you should not mope about it; you should talk to him about it. Expect him to tell you that you are too jealous. If that is his response, don't be afraid to say, "Yes, I am jealous, but you have given me reason to be jealous." Tell him that you want both of you to spend more time together when you are at home. He should be able to tell you why his phone is on silent when he is at home. Tell this man that you do not want to waste time with him, so if he has found another woman, he should let you know so that you can move on.

Take good care of yourself, and let me hear from you again.

Pastor