Church sisters have their eyes on my husband

Dear Pastor,

This is the second time I am writing to you. The first time I did, you gave me good advice, but you were very harsh.

Since then, I have become a Christian and I have grown. My husband and I are active in the Church. My husband is aspiring to be a pastor. I am very excited about that. I am learning to walk and talk like a pastor's wife. The senior pastor is advising me on how to dress and how to wear clothes that match. In this church, the women wear hats and I don't like wearing those. But the pastor's wife told me that if I am going to be working with my husband, I have to learn to comply with the rules and customs of the church. In this church, the women don't wear pants, but my husband doesn't object whenever we are going out and I wear pants.

I am three years older than my husband. One day he and I were in the vestry kissing, and a visitor who did not know me saw us and went and reported my husband to the deacon, saying that she saw my husband kissing a young woman. He had to explain to her that I am his wife. I don't know why she had to report that she saw my husband kissing someone. I don't know if my husband will be a successful pastor, because he is handsome and many girls in the church love him. They all go to him for help. My pastor's wife told me that I have to expect that, and that is one of the reasons why I have to keep myself attractive and well dressed.

The pastor's wife told me that she had to be with her husband everywhere when they were younger, because girls were always pushing up themselves on him, so I shouldn't make what people say about me bother me. The pastor likes my husband, so my husband has a good chance to become the leader of the congregation. The pastor and his wife intend to live abroad; so they are hoping that my husband would be mature enough to take over the pastorate.

M.F.

Dear M.F.,

I am glad that you are doing well and that you are now married. Pastoral work can be very challenging, and to be a pastor's wife is a special call that a woman should receive from God.

She would have to make sacrifices, and already, you are being asked to do certain things that you do not like. Some churches insist that their female members should always wear skirts, and should not wear pants even when they are not attending church services. Most churches have more female members, and these single girls are looking for husbands. So when a male comes into the church, they usually circle him and hope that he would notice them. It is a natural thing.

You were enjoying a kiss with your husband and a visitor went to the senior pastor to complain that this young man was kissing a female, not knowing that the person was his wife. Right now, your husband would feel special to be considered becoming pastor of the church. But if you are not fully sold on joining him in the leadership of the church, let him know now.

You have questions in your mind about whether you can fill the role a pastor's wife has to play in the church. It would be sad if you pretended that you are with your husband, but in your heart you are not. He will not have a good ministry unless you give him 100 per cent support.

Pastor