Can't get this married man off my mind

Dear Pastor,

I am 21. Something has been bothering me for some time now. I am a customer service representative-business administrator by profession. I have been working in this capacity since January. I get along with my colleagues. We held a small party for the former principal before she went off.

The present principal stated that we should be really close. To me, knowing that the former principal and I were close, I thought it would be work related. He asked for my number, and it took me about a week and some days before I eventually gave it to him. His response was, "Finally". I smiled, then we talked as good colleagues. However, one day when he was on the road, he asked me to do an activity and send it to him, which I did. Another response was, "Jah know, that's why I love you so." I replied saying, "Ok".

We started to have some real conversations after I went to a water park and he saw all my pictures in my

swimwear. At first, I was against dating my co-worker, but this man makes me feel good. We got intimate, not sexual, though. We kiss and have phone sex a lot. Whenever I go to his place and we attempt to have sex, he can't because he is a minister and he is married. He did give me oral sex without me returning the favour.

His wife's best friend started to work with us, and from there, we decided to split, but deep within me, I honestly like this man and it's hurtful to know that I am seeing him every day and we can't talk as we used to talk. We were extremely close. He knows I like him a lot, and he also said it to me before we split. He told me that he was not in the relationship with me for sex. I just can't seem to stop thinking and dreaming about him.

I have been living with my boyfriend for three years, and I love him but I cannot stop myself from thinking about this man. What might have caught me was getting spooned and my boyfriend doesn't do it to me. I just really do like him.

Let me also say that I am a regular reader of your column online. Keep up the great work you are doing.

I anxiously await your response.

Confused

Dear Confused,

I cannot send you an email because I have not been furnished with an address. In any case, the volume of work I am faced with does not enable me to respond to everyone by email. Speaking frankly, I believe that from the very outset, this man and you liked each other. It was not something that evolved. Both of you lusted after each other. He did and you did. I know that as a fact from what you said in this letter. You did not object to his sexual advances and both of you engaged in what I consider to be a most intimate type of sexual relation and you enjoyed it. You say you did not reciprocate. That is another matter.

According to you, this man and you are not as close anymore because this man's wife's best friend is an employee at the workplace. Had it not been for her, you would have still had a very close relationship with this man, but not being able to be with him is affecting you. And it is troubling because you are living with a man.

You say that this man is a minister and married, and that is the reason why both of you did not engage in coitus, but it is sex anyhow.

Please, madam, stick with your boyfriend. Both of you got carried away, but both of you should be glad that someone is around that can keep you apart from each other by that person's presence.

Pastor