Eager to have a baby at 18

Dear Pastor,

I have seen your column and I have heard you many times on the radio. I would like you to give me your advice. I am 18 years old and I have a boyfriend. I am trying to get pregnant, but it seems as if his 'water' is not good because we have sex two to three times every week and I am not getting pregnant. I want a baby.

My two older sisters got pregnant when they were in their teens and they ask me all the time what I am doing. My mother had her first child when she was 16 years old and all her children have grown up and she looks young and is enjoying herself. She had four of us for two different men and my brother is one year older than I am.

My boyfriend is 31. He doesn't have children and he told me he never used the condom with any of his girlfriends. He went to the doctor and the doctor said nothing is wrong with him. But, pastor, we have sex in many different ways and he doesn't pull out, so I know that his water is not good. He is desperate for a child, and so am I. I know you will say that I should go back to school, but I can have a child and still go to school. My father helps me a lot and he can send me back to school, but I am not ready to go back to school as yet.

My boyfriend gives me everything I want. He said one doctor told him that to get me pregnant, he should not have sex with me very often. Sometimes when I am sleeping with him and I want sex, I scratch up his back to get him to do it. He told me that if I want, he would allow me to go with another man, but I shouldn't tell anybody and then he would claim the baby as his own.

L.W.

Dear L.W.,

I maintain that a young woman, especially those in your age group, should seek to get an education before having children. You have come from a home that gives you the impression that children are toys, and if you don't have a child, you are not a woman. That is very sad. You should not have to prove that you are a woman by

getting pregnant. Your mother had her first child when she was 16 and your sisters during their teenage years, but you don't have to follow in their footsteps.

Your boyfriend is in his thirties. He is eager to have a child, but I also believe that you are pressuring him to get you pregnant. That is why he told you, that you can go with another man and have him impregnate you. It is unlikely that he meant what he said.

Having said that, I must add quickly that men have done that in the past. They were not able to impregnate their women and the women have gone with other men and the men have impregnated them. But everybody knows that these men were not the biological fathers of these children. People even mocked them and told them that they got jackets, but these men have proudly worn their 'jackets' with waistcoat and have also supported the children. Men who do so know for sure that they have not been able to impregnate women.

Young lady, stop harassing the man. Concentrate on your future. Get an education. That is my suggestion to you.

Pastor